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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? gBYA
The illustrated maps below show the information regarding the strategic development of Islip town Centre currently and in the future. Overall, we can see that there are a lot of proposal and variations within this vicinity. The size of the centre will become a big oval creating a dual carriageway and country side diminished. At this time, Country side remains found in north facing the Shops, and between in the main road. School can be found from main street go downward slowly to the west just before the houses. Likewise, if you want to visit the park, just go straight to the main road before go downhill after the shops on the east of the town. Furthermore, the planned expansion will vanish the countryside and main road creating a dual carriageway that look like a big oval shape wherein you can find all the shops inside including Bus stations, Shopping centre, Car park and additional housings. School still remain from its place as it should be. To sum up, Islip town centre at this time and its strategic proposal will looks differently. Planned development create a lot of development and changes.
The illustrated maps below
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the information regarding the strategic development of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Islip
town
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
currently
and in the future.

Overall
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
proposal and variations within this vicinity. The size of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
will become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
oval creating a dual carriageway and country side diminished.

At this time, Country side remains found in north facing the Shops, and between in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
road. School can
be found
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
street go downward
slowly
to the west
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
Likewise
, if you want to visit the park,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
go straight to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
road
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
go downhill after the shops on the east of the town.

Furthermore
, the planned expansion will vanish the countryside and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
road creating a dual carriageway that look like a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
oval shape wherein you can find all the shops inside including Bus stations, Shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, Car park and additional housings. School
still
remain from its place as it should be.

To sum up,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Islip
town
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
at this time and its strategic proposal will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "look"
looks
differently
. Planned development create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
development and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
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IELTS academic At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
191 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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