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As you can see, this graph illustrates different kinds of products that the postal service delivered from 2000 to 2013.

As you can see, this graph illustrates different kinds of products that the postal service delivered from 2000 to 2013. Xn0YN
As you can see, this graph illustrates different kinds of products that the postal service delivered from 2000 to 2013. Overall, people's demand on letters or payments had been gradually declining from 2003. On the other hand, people would like more to have their mass advertisements be delivered by the postal service. In 2000, the most items delivered by the postal service were personal letters and personal bills or payments. This was much higher than mass advertisement according to the record, 11 letters and 61 bills were delivered which on the other side, the number of mass advertisements was only 48. However, apart from the brief growth in 2000, people's consumption on payments steadily decreased over the 13 years timescale to finish at 27 items in 2013. In sharp contrast to this, mass advertisements rapidly climbed up to be the most item delivered postal service in 2003. It then leveled off from 2003 to 2013.
As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, this graph illustrates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of products that the postal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
delivered from 2000 to 2013.
Overall
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's demand on letters or payments had been
gradually
declining from 2003.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would like more to have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
be delivered
by the postal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
. In 2000, the most items delivered by the postal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
were personal letters and personal bills or payments. This was much higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
according to the record, 11 letters and 61 bills
were delivered
which on the other side, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
48.
However
, apart from the brief growth in 2000,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's consumption on payments
steadily
decreased over the 13 years timescale to finish at 27 items in 2013. In sharp contrast to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
rapidly
climbed up to be the most item delivered postal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
in 2003. It then leveled off from 2003 to 2013.
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IELTS academic As you can see, this graph illustrates different kinds of products that the postal service delivered from 2000 to 2013.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
155 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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  • As you can see, this graph illustrates different kinds of products that the postal service delivered from 2000 to 2013.