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As languages such as English, Spanish, and Mandarin become more widely spoken, there is a fear that many minority languages may die out. Some countries have taken steps to protect minority languages. What is your view of this practice?

As languages such as English, Spanish, and Mandarin become more widely spoken, there is a fear that many minority languages may die out. Some countries have taken steps to protect minority languages. What is your view of this practice? 7RP6
The bar chart records how many participants attend four different evening courses at an adult education center in 2009, while the pie chart illustrates the proportion of participants based on their ages in the same year. Overall, women were more likely to follow all evening courses than men, except for sculpture course and language course become the most popular among all courses. Also, majority of people who follows evening activities was older people (age 50 or more) in the year 2009. Language course were the most popular evening course in 2009 as it followed by 40 women and 20 men participants. 20 and 30 women participants recorded to follow painting and course drama in 2009, while men were noticed less as only 10 and 25 participants for each course in 2009. All courses had more women participants in 2009 except for Sculpture course. 10 men participants are recorded to attend sculpture course, while only 5 women joined this course. In terms of table, majority of people who followed evening courses was the older people (50 or more), which accounted for around two-fifth of the total participants and it followed by 40-49 age group (just over a-fifth), 30-39 aged group (16%), 20-29 aged group (just over a-ten) and 5% of people aged under 20 in 2009.
The bar chart records how
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many
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participants
attend four
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different
evening
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courses
at an adult education center in 2009, while the pie chart illustrates the proportion of
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participants
based on their ages in the same year.

Overall
,
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women
were more likely to follow all evening
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courses
than
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men
,
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except for
sculpture
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course
and language
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course
become the most popular among all
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courses
.
Also
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who follows evening activities was older
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people
(age 50 or more) in the year 2009.

Language
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course
were the most popular evening
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course
in 2009 as it followed by 40
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women
and 20
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men
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participants
. 20 and 30
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women
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participants
recorded to follow painting and
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course
drama in 2009, while
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men
were noticed
less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
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only
10 and 25
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participants
for each
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course
in 2009. All
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courses
had more
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women
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participants
in 2009
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except for
Sculpture
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course
. 10
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men
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participants
are recorded
to attend sculpture
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course
, while
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only
5
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women
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joined
this course.

In terms of table,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
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people
who followed evening
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courses
was the older
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people
(50 or more), which accounted for around two-fifth of the total
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participants
and it followed by 40-49 age group (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over a-fifth), 30-39 aged group (16%), 20-29 aged group (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over a-ten) and 5% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged under 20 in 2009.
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IELTS academic As languages such as English, Spanish, and Mandarin become more widely spoken, there is a fear that many minority languages may die out. Some countries have taken steps to protect minority languages. What is your view of this practice?

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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