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what people of different age groups say makes them most happy

what people of different age groups say makes them most happy yL8bE
The pie chart presents what brings happiness to two different age group (under and over 30). Overall, people in both age group feel happiest if they achievement at work, doing hobbies and other factors. Looking at the details, achievement at work is the highest reason for people in both age group feel happy, accounted for 31% and 32% for blow and above 30, respectively. There are similarities in the proportion of what makes people feel happy is doing hobbies with 22% for people under 30 compared with 24% for people over 30. Besides, the reason makes person in both age group feel happy is other factors make up just 14% and 10% for pp under and above 30, respectively. In the same time, travelling and having a good appearance also bring happiness for pp under 30, at 33%. In contrast, pp over 30 feel happy if they are with family and have financial security, accounted for 34%.
The pie chart presents what brings happiness to two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
(under and over 30).

Overall
,
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people
in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
happiest if
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they achievement
at work, doing hobbies and other factors.

Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, achievement at work is the highest reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
, accounted for 31% and 32% for blow and above 30,
respectively
. There are similarities in the proportion of what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
is doing hobbies with 22% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 30 compared with 24% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over 30.
Besides
, the reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
person in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
is other factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
14% and 10% for pp under and above 30,
respectively
.

In the same time, travelling and having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
appearance
also
bring happiness for pp under 30, at 33%.
In contrast
, pp over 30
Possible agreement error. The noun 'feel' seems to be countable, so consider using: "feels".
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
if they are with family and have financial security, accounted for 34%.
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IELTS academic what people of different age groups say makes them most happy

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
157 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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