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amount earned by graduates of different age groups

amount earned by graduates of different age groups Gr61e
The graph illustrates some information about the amount earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002. Overall, the amount earned by higher and first degree of different ages between 21-60 showed an upward trend. On the other hand, the amount earned by others degree in the age of 51-60 was fell slightly from above 700 pounds earned by the age 46-50 to approximately 690 pounds earned by the age 56-60. However, the amount earned by all graduates rose from the age 21-40 from around 400 pounds to 700-800 pounds. But in the age of 40-55 there were slightly downward trends. In the first degree we can see that the lowest amount earned was around 680 pounds and increased around 10 pounds as the highest income at the age of 56-60 which has a similar trend with higher degree. We could conclude from the graphic that a higher degree has the highest income at the age 56-60.
The graph illustrates
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some
information about the
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amount
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earned
by graduates of
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different
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age
groups in 2002.
Overall
, the
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amount
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earned
by higher and
first
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degree
of
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different
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ages
between 21-60
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an upward trend.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earned
by others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 51-60 was fell
slightly
from above
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
700 pounds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earned
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
46-50 to approximately
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
690 pounds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earned
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
56-60.
However
, the
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amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earned
by all graduates rose from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
21-40 from around
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
400 pounds
to 700
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
-800 pounds
.
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But
in the
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age
of 40-55 there were
slightly
downward trends. In the
first
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degree
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earned
was around
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
680 pounds
and increased around
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
10 pounds
as the highest income at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 56-60 which has a similar trend with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
. We could conclude from the graphic that a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
has the highest income at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
56-60.

IELTS academic amount earned by graduates of different age groups

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
157 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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