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Agricultural land degraded in 1990s

Agricultural land degraded in 1990s raEYn
The data for less productive land resulted from degradation during the 1990s is demonstrated with a pie chart showcasing the reasons for it and a table giving certain statistics according to the regions. All the data displayed is in terms of percentage. Overall, if we observe the pie chart, it can be interpreted that the major reason for the land degradation is due to “over-grazing”. In contrast to this, “others” constitute minimal reason for the degradation of land. In addition to this, if you observe the trends in the table, Highest land degraded can be seen in Oceania region while least is recorded in North America. In pie chart, we can see that more than a third in land degradation is due to over-grazing. With slight difference comes deforestation constituting 3/10th of the pie chart. Similarly, we have over-cultivation which is just under 30 percent of the total pie chart. A mere 7 percent of land degradation is due to “others”. On the other hand, if we observe the table, tremendous land degradation can be seen in Europe region. Deforestation is the biggest cause for land degradation out there. Succeeding to the list would be Oceania, where 13% of the land is degraded. Notable point is that the land degraded because of over-cultivation is nil. Least percentage of land degradation can be observed in North America stating that only one-twenty of land is less productive.
The data for less productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
resulted from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degradation
during the 1990s
is demonstrated
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
showcasing the reasons for it and a table giving certain statistics according to the regions. All the data displayed is in terms of percentage.

Overall
, if we observe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
, it can
be interpreted
that the major reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degradation
is due to “over-grazing”.
In contrast
to this, “others” constitute minimal reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degradation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
.
In addition
to this, if you observe the trends in the table,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Highest".
Highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
degraded can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Oceania region while least
is recorded
in North America.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
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pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that more than a third in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degradation
is due to over-grazing. With slight difference
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
deforestation constituting 3/10th of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
.
Similarly
, we have over-cultivation which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 30 percent of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
. A mere 7 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degradation
is due to “others”.

On the other hand
, if we observe the table, tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degradation
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Europe region. Deforestation is the biggest cause for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degradation
out there. Succeeding to the list would be Oceania, where 13% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
is degraded
. Notable point is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
degraded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of over-cultivation is nil.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Least".
Least
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degradation
can
be observed
in North America stating that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one-twenty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
is less productive.
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IELTS academic Agricultural land degraded in 1990s

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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