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Academic schools should have an equal number of male and female new students in every subject taught.

Academic schools should have an equal number of male and female new students in every subject taught. NrrOm
Academic schools should have an equal number of male and female new students in every subject taught. I think they should have more balanced numbers, although I believe that it depends on the subject and how many applications they receive, taking in consideration the percentage of each gender applicant. First of all, there are numerous subjects to study in College and they all have similarities and contrasts. Those factors and others influence male and female applicants and the decision of their major, and even minor. For example, some studies have shown that most applicants to science subjects are male, while females are more likely to apply to artistic or linguistic careers. Nevertheless, the percentage of women in scientific fields has increase over the years, as well as the number of male applicants in artistic subjects. On the other hand, it’s also a fact that some university departments tend to accept more male or female applicants, a decision affected by the type of subject, or even the specific subject. For instance, this happens usually in subjects in the engineering department, which is not only influenced because of the department, but it also depends on the subject itself, they are fewer female students in mechatronics, while more in civil engineering. Therefore, I believe that some departments could make the effort to accept por application from the lowest percentage of gender students, but this is highly linked to how many females or male’s applicants are in each subject, unless they both represent 50% or so in the application, it will be difficult to have an equal number of new students in each subject. It is important to take every factor in account.
Academic schools should have an equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
taught. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they should have more balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
, although I believe that it depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applications they receive, taking in consideration the percentage of each gender applicant.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to study in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
College and
they all have similarities and contrasts. Those factors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
influence male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
and the decision of their major, and even minor.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies have shown that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
to science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are male, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are more likely to apply to artistic or linguistic careers.
Nevertheless
, the percentage of women in scientific fields has increase over the years,
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
in artistic subjects.

On the other hand
, it’s
also
a fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
departments
tend to accept more male or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
, a decision
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, or even the specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
For instance
, this happens
usually
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
influenced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
itself, they are fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in mechatronics, while more in civil engineering.

Therefore
, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
departments
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the effort to accept
Possible spelling mistake found.
por
application from the lowest percentage of gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is
highly
linked to how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
or male’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
are in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, unless they both represent 50% or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the application, it will be difficult to have an equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to take every factor in account.
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IELTS academic Academic schools should have an equal number of male and female new students in every subject taught.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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