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A survey conducted for the places in which people gain access to the Internet from 1998 to 2004.

A survey conducted for the places in which people gain access to the Internet from 1998 to 2004. GJDb2
The bar chart given information about four places where people can go online betweem 1998 to 2004. Overall, it is evident that most users accessed the internet at home during the preriod of 4 years. The percentage of people used internet at work declined noticebly while the rate of users used internet in the college and at the library remained stable. In 1998, more than half of people (53%) used internet at home while the proportion of people accessed the internet at the library only accounted for exactly 10%. One fifth of the users went online at the college and this figure at work was slightly higher, which was 28%. After 6 years, in 2004, the rate of internet users at home reached the peak of 55%, after a slight drop to around 45% in 2000. The proportion of people using the internet at the college and at work drecresed to 18% and 10% respectively. Although the users accessed the internet in the library went up slightly too but it stayed steadily at approximately 13% after 6 - year period of time.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
information about four places where
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people
can go online
Possible spelling mistake found.
betweem
1998 to 2004.

Overall
, it is evident that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
accessed the internet at home during the
Possible spelling mistake found.
preriod
of 4 years. The percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
internet at work declined
Possible spelling mistake found.
noticebly
while the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
internet in the college and at the library remained stable.

In 1998, more than half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
(53%)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
internet at home while the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accessed the internet at the library
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
accounted for exactly 10%. One fifth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
went online at the college and this figure at work was
slightly
higher, which was 28%.

After 6 years, in 2004, the rate of internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
at home reached the peak of 55%, after a slight drop to around 45% in 2000. The proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using the internet at the college and at work
Possible spelling mistake found.
drecresed
to 18% and 10%
respectively
. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
accessed the internet in the library went up
slightly
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it stayed
steadily
at approximately 13% after 6
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
year period of time.

IELTS academic A survey conducted for the places in which people gain access to the Internet from 1998 to 2004.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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