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A school expenditure on different categories in three years

A school expenditure on different categories in three years m81p1
The three pie charts show changes in the expenditure of a school on various aspects in three particular years. Overall, the proportion of expenses on teachers' salaries was highest in all three years with insurance receiving least money. Moreover, the percentage of other categories saw some sharps and downs, though the index for other workers' payments registered a significant decline in the same years. Although the proportion of total spending on teachers' salaries went up to 50 percent in 1991 from 40 percent in 1981, then the figure fell to 45% at the end of the period. On the other hand, the same index for other workers' pays declined significantly with figure falling from 25% in 1981 to 15% in 2001. Although there were some changes in the costs of the other aspects, the proportion of insurance, which equaled to only 2% in the beginning, grew four times still staying the lowest in 2001.
The three pie charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the expenditure of a school on various aspects in three particular years.

Overall
, the proportion of expenses on teachers' salaries was highest in all three years with insurance receiving
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
money.
Moreover
, the percentage of
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other
categories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sharps and downs, though the index for
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other
workers' payments registered a significant decline in the same years.

Although the proportion of total spending on teachers' salaries went up to 50 percent in 1991 from 40 percent in 1981, then the figure fell to 45% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.

On the
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other
hand, the same index for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
workers' pays declined
significantly
with figure falling from 25% in 1981 to 15% in 2001.

Although there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the costs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects, the proportion of insurance, which equaled to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2% in the beginning, grew four times
still
staying the lowest in 2001.
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IELTS academic A school expenditure on different categories in three years

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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