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A line graph illustrates the rate of people smoking from 1000 people in Southland from 1960 to 2000.

A line graph illustrates the rate of people smoking from 1000 people in Southland from 1960 to 2000. mXKlq
The graph presents data collected from Southland from 1960 to 2000 showing the number of smokers out of 1000 people. The data record illustrates the number of smokers every five years for 20 years. The blue line represents the number of male smokers, and the pink line represents the number of Female smokers. At the beginning of the graph, the number of male smokers was exceedingly high compared to female smokers, which created a large gap. Throughout the years, the data demonstrate fewer female smokers than male smokers. However, the number of smokers progressed, and eventually, the numbers were similar. The rate of male smokers started at its highest: 600 people; then those numbers decreased throughout the graph. Female smokers, on the other hand, were at their lowest in 1975. And reached their highest number increase five years later, that number increase being over 100 people. The number of male smokers from a 1000 people rate was lowest in the 2000s with only 250 people. In 2000, the number of male smokers decreased by half compared to those from the beginning of the graph. For females, smokers were at their lowest in 1960, being below 100 people. Then the number continues to increase until 1980. Afterward, the rate of female smokers dropped gradually since 1980.
The
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graph
presents data collected from Southland from 1960 to 2000 showing the
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number
of smokers out of 1000
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people
. The data record illustrates the
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number
of smokers every five years for 20 years.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
blue line represents the
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number
of male smokers, and the pink line represents the
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number
of
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Female
smokers.

At the beginning of the
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graph
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male smokers was
exceedingly
high compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
smokers, which created a large gap. Throughout the years, the data demonstrate fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
smokers than male smokers.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of smokers progressed, and
eventually
, the
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numbers
were similar.

The rate of male smokers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at its highest: 600
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people
; then those
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numbers
decreased throughout the
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graph
.
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Female
smokers,
on the other hand
, were at their lowest in 1975. And reached their highest
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number
increase five years later, that
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number
increase being over 100
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The
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number
of male smokers from a 1000
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people
rate was lowest in the 2000s with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
250
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In 2000, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male smokers decreased by half compared to those from the beginning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
. For
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females
, smokers were at their lowest in 1960, being below 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
continues to increase until 1980. Afterward, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
smokers dropped
gradually
since 1980.
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IELTS academic A line graph illustrates the rate of people smoking from 1000 people in Southland from 1960 to 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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