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A glance at the graph reveals data on the changes and prediction in percentage of people who aged 65 in three different countries: Canada , Germany as well as UK from 1988 to 2030

A glance at the graph reveals data on the changes and prediction in percentage of people who aged 65 in three different countries: Canada, Germany as well as UK from 1988 to 2030 wO6Oq
A glance at the graph reveals data on the changes and prediction in percentage of people who aged 65 in three different countries: Canada, Germany as well as UK from 1988 to 2030 Closer look at the graph, Germany was dominated in the past and expect its rank will be continue increasing until 2030. What stunds out from the graph that Germany stayed bottom of the list with 20. 45% in 1988. Second was Canada with 16. 32%. Least on the list was UK with 14. 23%. Focusing on 2020 population aged 65 in almost 5% increase from 20. 45 to 25. 32%. By contrast, other indicators was nowhere near as high as that of Germany. Percentage of population aged was not as more as Canada that its indicator was 14. 89% and 20. 67 in turn. As for the future predictions for 2030, this picture witnessed all over three countries population who aged 65 will increase. For instance this aged people in Germany will make up 30. 42% and in the UK it is going to consist of 20. 30%.
A glance at the graph reveals data on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and prediction in percentage of
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people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
65 in three
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different
countries: Canada, Germany
as well
as UK from 1988 to 2030

Closer look at the graph, Germany
was dominated
in the past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
its rank will be
Consider using the past participle "continued"?
continue
increasing until 2030.

What
Possible spelling mistake found.
stunds
out from the graph that Germany stayed bottom of the list with 20. 45% in 1988. Second was Canada with 16. 32%. Least on the list was UK with 14. 23%. Focusing on 2020 population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
65 in almost 5% increase from 20. 45 to 25. 32%. By contrast, other indicators was nowhere near as high as that of Germany. Percentage of population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
was not as
Did you mean "much"?
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
Canada that its indicator was 14. 89% and 20. 67 in turn.

As for the future predictions for 2030, this picture witnessed all over three countries population who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
65 will increase.
For instance
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Germany will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up 30. 42% and in the UK it is going to consist of 20. 30%.
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IELTS academic A glance at the graph reveals data on the changes and prediction in percentage of people who aged 65 in three different countries: Canada, Germany as well as UK from 1988 to 2030

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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