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A diagram that shows the stages of recycling aluminum cans

A diagram that shows the stages of recycling aluminum cans KG51L
The figure illustrates the steps of recycling aluminum drink cans. There are four steps for reuse of aluminum drink cans. It starts by collecting metal cans together in recycling box and ending with putting these cans once again in drinks machine. The first step is collecting Al cans together in a separate box, as recycling boxes are separated according to the material. In the next stage we should move the collected aluminum cans for the collecting centre to the recycling centre (factory) by a lorry. Then we pack these metal cans and go for the third stage in the aluminum recycling plant we first melt down old aluminum in order to produce a fresh made aluminum. Then aluminum is rolled and cut in order to be folded as cans again and that was the last step in the factory. Finally new made cans are full filled again and put in the drinks machine
The figure illustrates the
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steps
of
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recycling
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aluminum
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drink
cans.

There are four
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steps
for reuse of
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aluminum
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drink
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cans
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
by collecting metal
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cans
together in
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recycling
box and ending with putting these
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cans
once again in
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drinks
machine.

The
first
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step
is collecting Al
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cans
together in a separate box, as
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recycling
boxes
are separated
according to the material. In the
next
stage we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
the collected
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aluminum
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cans
for the collecting
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
to the
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recycling
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
(factory) by a lorry. Then we pack these metal
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cans
and go for the third stage in the
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aluminum
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recycling
plant we
first
melt down
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old
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aluminum
in order to produce a fresh made aluminum.

Then
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aluminum
is rolled
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
in order to
be folded
as
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cans
again and that was the last
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step
in the factory.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
new made
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cans
are full filled again and put in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
machine
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IELTS academic A diagram that shows the stages of recycling aluminum cans

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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