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A chart that shows participation in certain leisure activities by children in Australia

A chart that shows participation in certain leisure activities by children in Australia lNA9
The bar graph illustrates the percentages of children aged 5 to 14, participating in various leisure activities in Australia. It is quite clear from the graph that the major portion of the time spent on leisure pursuits by young pupils is on watching TV and playing video games which are true for both boys and girls. Looking at the involvement in creative activities like art and craft, the percentage of girls is approximately 55% which is higher than that of boys by 15%. While having less participation here, boys seem more active in outdoor games such as skateboarding and bike riding as compared to the girls. Children seem more interested in the latter activity than the former with 70% and 60% of participation in boys and girls respectively. Furthermore, there is a striking difference in the time spent on electronic products and computer games between the two genders. 80% of boys spend their time glued to gadgets or games online as compared to 60% of girls. The data clearly depicts how much addicted our young generation is to electronic devices and spend less time being involved in physical activities, which is very important for the overall growth of the children.
The bar graph illustrates the percentages of children aged 5 to 14, participating in various leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in Australia. It is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that the major portion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on leisure pursuits by young pupils is on watching TV and playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which are true for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls.

Looking at the involvement in creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like art and craft, the percentage of girls is approximately 55% which is higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
by 15%. While having less participation here,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
seem more active in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as skateboarding and bike riding as compared to the girls. Children seem more interested in the latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
than the former with 70% and 60% of participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls
respectively
.

Furthermore
, there is a striking difference in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on electronic products and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
between the two genders. 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
glued to gadgets or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
online as compared to 60% of girls.

The data
clearly
depicts how much addicted our young generation is to electronic devices and spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
being involved
in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
overall
growth of the children.
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IELTS academic A chart that shows participation in certain leisure activities by children in Australia

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
200 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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