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a academic bar chart writhing

a academic bar chart writhing KVQaR
The bar chart represent the proportion of activities in Canda which are the best for boys and girls teenagers. These activities are sports, computer games, music and shopping. overall, it can be seen that the highest percentage in the chart was boys, while the figure of girls was the lowest in all activities. furthermore, the chart had fluctuations in the percentage of boys and girls. The highest proportion of boys activities was shopping is reached around 35%. this figure is falling slightly about 26% in sports activity. in terms, the rate of computer games and music had a close percentage about 17% for computer games and 19% in music. While the biggest proportion of girls reached to 19% in music activity. And the lowest figure was shopping had almost 6%. Furthermore, the sports and computer games activities had a similar growth reached 11% for sports and 18% for computer games activity.
The bar chart represent the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Canda
which are the best for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. These
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activities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, music and shopping.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the highest percentage in the chart was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, while the figure of girls was the lowest in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, the chart had fluctuations in the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls.

The highest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
was shopping
is reached
around 35%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
figure is falling
slightly
about 26% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
terms, the rate of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and music had a close percentage about 17% for computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and 19% in music.

“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the biggest proportion of girls reached to 19% in music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. And the lowest figure was shopping had almost 6%.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
had a similar growth reached 11% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and 18% for computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.

IELTS academic a academic bar chart writhing

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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