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Story about me, can you tell us about you?

Story about me, can you tell us about you? brgRQ
Hello, my name is Beibut, I work as an expert in the department of economic planning and analysis, I am responsible for the central office of the university, I am leading the annual budget, adjusting the budget, fulfilling key departmental budget indicators, and KPI for the reporting period. I have been working in the university system for six months, during this time, I think that I showed myself on the good side, working with 30 departments, I learned a lot about the structure of the university, who does what department, what department is responsible for assessing the departments for KPI, I worked with the initiators of all the key points. I also have sufficient experience in the financial and economic field, I have a diploma of a master of financial academy attached to the Ministry of Finance of the Republic of Kazakhstan, I worked in different organizations on the positions of accountant, analyst, project manager. He also worked on remote objects such as Kashagan and KazAtomProm. Almost all of the previous positions were in foreign companies or with a large share of foreign companies, so I can say with confidence that I can work in an English-speaking team, although I cannot say that my English language is good, but I try to improve it by studying language in the courses, at the moment I'm enrolled in the courses of IELTS, in the future I plan to enter the Master's program in the school of public policy, the Master of Public Administration program. As to why I chose this position, firstly for me it is a good opportunity to grow, since I have little experience in this field, I think I will be able to ensure a good job in this position. I also think that I will be able to adjust the workflow to an ideal, because I already know how to work in this team. Since I conduct office work in the department, I know how all the normative documents of the university should look like. I think I can participate in the drafting of new normative documents, as I see how other departments work. My biggest motivation to work in this position is that I'm currently working at a maternity place, I need some kind of stability, my wife does not work because she sits with baby, a loan for an apartment that takes more than half of my salary. I think that by the number of times I came to the commission I can already say that I want to work here, I want to grow and develop, the university policy says that every employee can and have to develop and improve his professional skills. President Katsu at the celebration of the New Year said that every employee need to take the initiative, and that the university will always support such an employee.
Hello, my name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Beibut
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as an expert in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
of economic planning and analysis, I am responsible for the central office of the university,

I am leading the annual budget, adjusting the budget, fulfilling key departmental budget indicators, and KPI for the reporting period.

I have been working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
system for six months, during this time, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
myself on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
side, working with 30 departments,

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
learned a lot about the structure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, who does what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
, what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
is responsible for assessing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
departments
for KPI, I worked with the initiators of all the key points.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
also
have sufficient experience in the financial and economic field, I have a diploma of a master of financial academy attached to the Ministry of Finance of the Republic of Kazakhstan,

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
worked in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
organizations on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
of accountant, analyst, project manager. He
also
worked on remote objects such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kashagan
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
KazAtomProm
.

Almost
Consider using "all the".
all of the
previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
were in foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or with a large share of foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
so
I can say with confidence that I can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in an English-speaking team,

although I cannot say that my English language is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it by studying language in the courses, at the moment I'm enrolled in the courses of IELTS, in the future I plan to enter the Master's program in the school of public policy, the Master of Public Administration program.

As to why I chose this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
,
firstly
for me it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
opportunity to grow, since I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
experience in this field, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
I will be able to ensure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
job in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
. I
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that I will be able to adjust the workflow to an ideal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I already know how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in this team. Since I conduct office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
, I know how all the normative documents of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should look like. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
I can participate in the drafting of new normative documents, as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
departments
work.

My biggest motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
is that I'm
currently
working at a maternity place,

I need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of stability, my wife does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she sits with baby,

a loan for an apartment that takes more than half of my salary.

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that by the number of times I came to the commission I can already say that I want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
here, I want to grow and develop,

the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
policy says that every employee can and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
develop and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

President
Possible spelling mistake found.
Katsu
at the celebration of the New Year said that every employee need to take the initiative, and that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will always support such an employee.
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IELTS speaking Story about me, can you tell us about you?

Speaking
  American English
15 paragraphs
476 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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