Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It was a cloudy evening and it smelt clean like chemicals and alcohol wipes.

It was a cloudy evening and it smelt clean like chemicals and alcohol wipes. jDNbX
It was a cloudy evening and it smelt clean like chemicals and alcohol wipes. Teresa and Mark Galloway were in the hospital waiting for the doctors to come and give an update on their daughter. Baby Galloway had just been born about 30 minutes ago, the only issue was that she was 4 weeks early. The baby had been taken to the NICU and Teresa was devastated because her baby had been taken away from her. At that moment a doctor came in to tell them that she had down syndrome, they all looked at each other wondering how they should react to those words. The doctor asked, “ do you have a name for this baby girl? ” “Oh, um yeah we were thinking of Charlotte Elle Galloway, ” Teresa said. The doctor left in astonishment that no tears had been shed and nothing else had been said. Teresa and Mark looked at each other and said “What are we going to do? ” “We're so young and we only have a trailer, which is the only thing that we can afford, which is not big enough for the three of us. ” Slowly the room got quieter and it sounded like how death would sound, so quiet even the smallest and quietest noise would be heard, like a needle dropping to the floor. Tears started flowing down both their faces, and they said to each other that they knew what they had to do. Four and a half weeks later they are allowed to take Charlotte home, yet did Charlotte and the doctors know that her life was about to change forever. On the way back to the tiny little RV Mrs. and Mr. Galloway stop at Charlotte’s aunt and uncle's house, they wrap Charlotte in a blanket and write a note saying “Charlotte has Down Syndrome and we don’t think that we are the right parents for her, so we are giving her to you, please take care of her and good luck. - Galloway’s. ” There were teardrops the size of skittles that were sinking into the manila envelope. There was a blanket that was tightly wrapped around Charlotte like a burrito, they walked up sobbing and wondering if they were making the right decision they layed Charlotte on the front porch and said their final goodbyes. A kiss on her tiny forehead because this was the last time that they would see each other again. They were walking to the car when they heard the front door open, “Oh my '' a woman gasped, they looked back at the empty dark house. Then they saw her and it was an old lady in the street watching what they had just done. There were little cold and salty rivers flowing down Teresa’s cheeks when she stepped into the empty van. It was now 11 years later Charlotte was very excited because she is turning eleven today. Charlotte was skipping down the light grey carpet stairs when she heard little sniffles and inaudible mumbling coming from the living room. Charlotte walked in and asked what was going on, then Amanda (Charlotte’s Aunt) said “my sister died from cancer this morning”. Charlotte felt bad but she was wondering who Amanda’s sister could be, and she thought back to one day a few years ago. It was rainy and dark outside, the lights were flickering and everyone was shivering while watching the news with the fireplace on, it smelt like cedarwood and how smores would smell if they had been roasting over the fire. A reported robbery came up when Amanda told Charlotte this, “Charlotte, your parents died in a car crash a month after you were born. ” This was said to Charlotte when she was six years old and she has believed it every day since then. Charlotte looks at Amanda and says “my birthday wish is for you to tell me the truth of what happened to my parents. I have lived all this time thinking it was a car crash but you only have one sister and you are my aunt. ” Amanda and Bill agreed and they sat Charlotte down, “Charlotte your parents were very poor and they didn’t make good decisions, they found out you had down syndrome, they left you on our porch five weeks after you were born. ” Charlotte said thank you and went upstairs to her room very slowly and sniffles came out her nose. She layed on her bed the rest of the day staring at the blank white canvas ceiling. She wasn’t mad or sad, she didn’t have any emotions, though she was a little upset that she did nothing else on her birthday but she was glad that she finally found out the truth about her parents. She wasn’t happy, how could anyone just give up a baby like that, now I’m glad that I live here Charlotte was thinking about school since it started in three weeks, she ran downstairs and asked “Amanda, can I please go to school this year? I’m lonely and besides, no offense but Bill isn’t the best teacher. ” Charlotte had been doing homeschool since she was old enough, but she never really liked it because the only people she saw were aunt and uncle, because her cousins were in college and living their own adult life. Amanda and Bill look at each other and say “Sure, but only if you promise nothing bad will happen and you will try to make friends, also be nice. ” “Ok yay, you're the best aunt and uncle ever! ” Charlotte skipped upstairs, and couldn't fall asleep that night. Three weeks later Charlotte wakes up bright and early picks out the perfect outfit and runs downstairs because it is her first day of school, she was going to make a lot of friends and have fun in her classes. The sun was shining and it was a really warm fall day. She eats her waffles and runs out the door and to the bus stop, which is right around the corner of her block. She arrives at school and goes to her first hour which was science. The halls were packed and while walking to her first class Charlotte is being stared at and is hearing whispers from people looking in her direction. She walks into the classroom which is quite big and it looks like a very welcoming room and laughter bursts out, Charlotte didn’t know what they were laughing about so she started laughing with them. Then this girl shouts out you’re not allowed in this class you freak, the teacher then says “ Kait stop that, Charlotte is new and she might have a disability but that doesn’t mean that you have to treat her any differently. ” Charlotte goes to sit in the back of the class and the teacher comes over to her, she says “ if you ever need help just let me know. ” Later that day it had started raining and the main entrance hallway was getting darker, the skies were clouded with dark endless clouds. Charlotte was walking to lunch when she saw Kait from science earlier walking in the other direction, when Kait said “ Got anywhere to sit, freak bet you don’t, you don’t even have any friends. ” Charlotte ran to the bathroom and locked herself in a stall, it smelled really bad and there was toilet paper on the floor but she didn’t care, crying she stayed there all of the lunch and was wondering, “ why did I think that this was a good idea? I’m so stupid I bet people would be better off without me. I don’t want to live like this anymore, people are mean and they don’t change. Ugh, I hate myself, why was I ever born? ” She heard footsteps so she got ready just in case they would hear her tears, then a voice said “ I bet Charlotte ran home to her Mommy to cry like a wimpy kid. ” Then another voice added, “stop it she is very nice, you should try being kind. ” Charlotte then realized that it was Kait and some other girl, Kait then said “Well maybe if you like her you can leave and never talk to me again. ” “Sorry, ” said the innocent-sounding girl. “Now let's find Charlotte and make her regret ever coming into this school, ” Kait said. Charlotte accidentally let out a sneeze, “No need she right here, ” Kait pointed directly at her stall. Charlotte was shaking and sweating so much, it felt like it was a million degrees. She was wondering what they were going to do to her. First, they threw toilet paper over that stall, and then they blocked the stall door so she couldn’t get out. Charlotte was yelling for help when the bell rang, the girls scurried off and Charlotte continued crying, “ I wish I was never born! ” She sat there crying and she felt like the day would never end, a few moments later a girl came into the bathroom. “Charlotte, are you still here? ” said the girl. Charlotte answered, “ yes I can’t come out, they locked me in here. ” “I am so sorry, she forces me to do things I don’t want to do, '' said the girl. Charlotte realizes that it was the other girl that was helping Kait earlier, “Why are you helping me then. ” “ Kait is mean, I find you pretty and I was wondering if you wanted to be my friend? ” the girl said. She told Charlotte her name, it was Sophia but she said to call her D because it is her nickname. Charlotte then tells her how she doesn’t want friends and that she is better off without even being alive, Charlotte says “ don’t follow me and don’t tell anyone, I am going to the bridge. ” D then said, “ no you can’t, if you show Kait that she won this argument then she’ll always remember you as the girl who was too scared. ” Charlotte realizes that this would be true, but she was still wondering why she should even be alive, then she imagined her future. It was winter, and it was very cold and it was snowing, she saw herself, but she was a lot older. She saw some kids surrounding her older self and they were drinking hot chocolate and reading a story. She realized they were her future kids and they were beautiful. Though this was only her imagination, Charlotte realized that her life could turn out to be good. She learned that being alive is the best thing to have on this planet, Charlotte told D “I realized no matter how bad your life is you should always live it to the fullest. ” “That's the spirit, you always have to imagine yourself in a happy place and take one day one step at a time, ” D said. They went home together and they played games all afternoon, they talked about how mean Kait was, and they were planning the next 20 years of their life together. Sophia D. and Charlotte were now best friends.
It was a cloudy evening and it smelt clean like chemicals and alcohol wipes. Teresa and Mark Galloway were in the hospital waiting for the
doctors
to
come
and give an update on their daughter. Baby Galloway had
just
been born
about 30 minutes ago, the
only
issue was that she was 4
weeks
early. The baby had
been taken
to the
NICU
and Teresa
was devastated
because
her baby had
been taken
away from her. At that moment a
doctor
came
in to
tell
them that she had
down
syndrome, they all looked at each
other
wondering
how they should react to those words. The
doctor
asked,
do you have a name for this baby
girl
? ” “Oh, um yeah we were thinking of Charlotte Elle Galloway,
Teresa said. The
doctor
left
in astonishment that no tears had
been shed
and nothing else had
been said
. Teresa and Mark looked at each
other
and said “What are we going to do? ” “We're
so
young and
we
only
have a trailer, which is the
only
thing that we can afford, which is not
big
enough
for the three of us. ”
Slowly
the
room
got
quieter and it sounded like how death would sound,
so
quiet even the smallest and quietest noise would
be heard
, like a needle dropping to the floor. Tears
started
flowing
down
both their faces, and they said to each
other
that they knew what they had to do.

Four and a half
weeks
later they are
allowed
to take Charlotte home,
yet
did Charlotte and the
doctors
know that her
life
was about to
change
forever. On the way
back
to the tiny
little
RV Mrs. and Mr. Galloway
stop
at Charlotte’s
aunt
and uncle's
house
, they wrap Charlotte in a blanket and write a note saying “Charlotte has
Down
Syndrome and
we don’t
think
that we are the
right
parents
for her,
so
we are giving her to you,
please
take care of her and
good
luck.
-
Galloway’s. ” There were teardrops the size of skittles that were sinking into the manila envelope. There was a blanket that was
tightly
wrapped around Charlotte like a burrito, they walked up sobbing and
wondering
if they were making the
right
decision they
layed
Charlotte on the front porch and said their final goodbyes. A kiss on her tiny forehead
because
this was the last time that they would
see
each
other
again. They were walking to the car when they heard the front door open, “Oh my '' a woman gasped, they looked
back
at the empty dark
house
. Then they
saw
her and it was an
old
lady in the street watching what they had
just
done. There were
little
cold
and salty rivers flowing
down
Teresa’s cheeks when she stepped into the empty van.

It was
now
11 years later

Charlotte was
very
excited
because
she is turning eleven
today
. Charlotte was skipping
down
the light
grey
carpet stairs when she heard
little
sniffles and inaudible mumbling coming from the living
room
.
Charlotte
walked in and asked what was going on, then Amanda (Charlotte’s
Aunt)
said “my sister
died
from cancer this morning”.
Charlotte
felt
bad
but
she was
wondering
who Amanda’s sister could be, and she
thought
back
to one day a few years ago. It was rainy and dark outside, the lights were flickering and everyone was shivering while watching the news with the fireplace on, it smelt like
cedarwood
and how
smores
would smell if they had been roasting over the fire. A reported robbery
came
up when Amanda
told
Charlotte this, “Charlotte, your
parents
died
in a car crash a month after you
were born
. ” This
was said
to Charlotte when she was six years
old and
she has believed it every day since then. Charlotte looks at Amanda and
says
“my birthday wish is for you to
tell
me the truth of what happened to my
parents
. I have
lived
all this time thinking it was a car crash
but
you
only
have one sister and you are my
aunt
. ” Amanda and Bill
agreed and
they sat Charlotte
down
, “Charlotte your
parents
were
very
poor and
they didn’t
make
good
decisions, they found out you had
down
syndrome, they
left
you on our porch five
weeks
after you
were born
. ”

Charlotte said thank you and went upstairs to her
room
very
slowly
and sniffles
came
out her nose. She
layed
on her bed the rest of the day staring at the blank white canvas ceiling. She wasn’t mad or sad, she didn’t have any emotions, though she was a
little
upset that she did nothing else on her birthday
but
she was glad that she
finally
found out the truth about her
parents
.
She
wasn’t happy, how could anyone
just
give up a baby like that,
now
I’m glad that I
live
here Charlotte was thinking about
school
since it
started
in three
weeks
, she ran downstairs and asked “Amanda, can I
please
go to
school
this
year
? I’m lonely and
besides
, no offense
but
Bill isn’t the
best
teacher. ” Charlotte had been doing homeschool since she was
old
enough
,
but
she never
really
liked it
because
the
only
people
she
saw
were
aunt
and uncle,
because
her cousins were in college and living their
own
adult
life
. Amanda and Bill look at each
other
and
say
“Sure,
but
only
if you promise nothing
bad
will happen and you will try to
make
friends
,
also
be nice. ” “Ok yay, you're the
best
aunt
and uncle
ever
! ” Charlotte skipped upstairs, and couldn't fall asleep that night.

Three
weeks
later

Charlotte wakes up
bright and early
picks out the perfect outfit and runs downstairs
because
it is her
first
day of
school
, she was going to
make
a lot of
friends
and have fun in her
classes
. The sun was shining and it was a
really
warm fall day. She eats her waffles and runs out the door and to the bus
stop
, which is
right
around the corner of her block. She arrives at
school
and goes to her
first
hour which was science. The halls
were packed
and while walking to her
first
class
Charlotte is
being stared
at and
is hearing
whispers from
people
looking in her direction. She walks into the classroom which is quite
big
and it looks like a
very
welcoming
room
and laughter bursts out, Charlotte didn’t know what they were laughing about
so
she
started
laughing with them. Then this
girl
shouts out you’re not
allowed
in this
class
you freak, the teacher then
says
Kait
stop
that, Charlotte is
new and
she might have a disability
but
that doesn’t
mean
that you
have to
treat her any
differently
. ” Charlotte goes to sit in the
back
of the
class
and the teacher
comes
over to her, she
says
if you
ever
need
help
just
let
me know. ”

Later that day it had
started
raining and the main entrance hallway was getting darker, the skies
were clouded
with dark endless clouds. Charlotte was walking to lunch when she
saw
Kait
from science earlier walking in the
other
direction, when
Kait
said
Got
anywhere to sit, freak bet you don’t, you don’t even have any
friends
. ” Charlotte ran to the bathroom and locked herself in a stall, it smelled
really
bad
and there was toilet paper on the floor
but
she didn’t care, crying she stayed there
all of the
lunch and was
wondering
,
why did I
think
that this was a
good
idea
? I’m
so
stupid I bet
people
would be better off without me. I don’t want to
live
like this anymore,
people
are
mean and
they don’t
change
. Ugh, I hate myself, why was I
ever
born? ” She heard footsteps
so
she
got
ready
just
in case they would hear her tears, then a voice said
I bet Charlotte ran home to her
Mommy
to cry like a wimpy kid. ” Then another voice
added
, “
stop
it she is
very
nice, you should try being kind. ” Charlotte then
realized
that it was
Kait
and
some
other
girl
,
Kait
then said “
Well
maybe if you like her you can
leave
and never talk to me again. ” “Sorry,
said the innocent-sounding
girl
. “
Now
let
's find Charlotte and
make
her regret
ever
coming into this
school
,
Kait
said. Charlotte
accidentally
let
out a sneeze, “No need she
right
here,
Kait
pointed
directly
at her stall.

Charlotte was shaking and sweating
so
much, it felt like it was a million degrees. She was
wondering
what they were going to do to her.
First
, they threw toilet paper over that stall, and then they blocked the stall door
so
she couldn’t
get
out. Charlotte was yelling for
help
when the bell rang, the
girls
scurried off and Charlotte continued crying,
I wish I was never born! ” She sat there
crying and
she felt like the day would never
end
, a few moments later a
girl
came
into the bathroom. “Charlotte, are you
still
here? ” said the
girl
. Charlotte answered,
yes I can’t
come
out, they locked me in here. ” “I am
so
sorry, she forces me to do things I don’t want to do, '' said the
girl
. Charlotte realizes that it was the
other
girl
that was helping
Kait
earlier, “Why are you helping me then. ”
Kait
is
mean
, I find you
pretty and
I was
wondering
if you wanted to be my
friend
? ” the
girl
said. She
told
Charlotte her name, it was Sophia
but
she said to call her D
because
it is her nickname. Charlotte then
tells
her how she doesn’t want
friends
and that she is better off without even being alive, Charlotte
says
don’t follow me and don’t
tell
anyone, I am going to the bridge. ”

D then said,
no you can’t, if you
show
Kait
that she won this argument then she’ll always remember you as the
girl
who was too scared. ” Charlotte realizes that this would be true,
but
she was
still
wondering
why she should even be alive, then she imagined her future. It was winter, and it was
very
cold
and it was snowing, she
saw
herself,
but
she was a lot older. She
saw
some
kids surrounding her older
self and
they were drinking hot chocolate and reading a story. She
realized
they were her future
kids and
they were
beautiful
. Though this was
only
her imagination, Charlotte
realized
that her
life
could turn out to be
good
. She learned that being alive is the
best
thing to have on this planet, Charlotte
told
D “I
realized
no matter how
bad
your
life
is you should always
live
it to the fullest. ” “That's the spirit, you always
have to
imagine yourself in a happy place and take one day one step at a time,
D said. They went home
together and
they played games all afternoon, they talked about how
mean
Kait
was, and they were planning the
next
20 years of their
life
together. Sophia D. and Charlotte were
now
best
friends
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS speaking It was a cloudy evening and it smelt clean like chemicals and alcohol wipes.

Speaking
  American English
8 paragraphs
1885 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 5band
    “Never spend your money before you have earned it. ”
    “Never spend your money before you have earned it. ” -Thomas Jefferson. I totally agree with this statement. I’m going to give you some of the main reasons as follows. Firstly, when you squander money before earning, you have yet understood the value of money and the habit of misspending. This will...
  • 5band
    the structure of the Colosseum
    In Rome there are 3 buildings that refer directly to the structure of the Colosseum: - Courtyard of Palazzo Venezia → the shape of the arch framed by semi-columns and overlapping orders is used. The work is attributed to Alberti. With the typological resumption of the Colosseum, he underlines the m...
  • 5.5band
    write giving direction to other place
    A: Excuse me, I am trying to find the way to the Bat Dan street. Could you tell me how to get there, please? B: Bát Đàn street, right? A: Yes, Bát Đàn street. B: You seem to be visitor? A: Yes, I want to go there to visit some places B: Oh. Maybe I can. There are a lot of ways but I will give yo...
  • 5.5band
    describe your pattion toward our university
    Since my village is situated in a remote location, some students had to drop out of school due to lack of teachers. At the high school, since we must get to the city to pursue education, our families could not afford to supply our expense of education and city living, thus we decided to leave school...
  • 5.5band
    high-performance sensors generally
    high-performance sensors generally show short response time, high sensitivity, low detection limit, and high reversibility. due to the fact many hydrogel sensors depend on the diffusion of input signals in hydrogels, limitations to these hydrogels are long response time sensors, which is due to the ...
  • 6band
    How you recover from disappointment?
    In this world, no one thinks that they are blissed and they might start complaining about their lives right after finishing greetings when you meet them. In addition, majority of the people have no way to tackle to those irksome moments and the rigors of life. On the other hand, it's extremely impo...