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Describe an occasion when you bought/made a special cake. v.1

Describe an occasion when you bought/made a special cake. v. 1
Describe an occasion when you bought/made a special cake. You should say: what the occasion was why you bought the cake whom you ate it with and explain why the cake was special.   [You will have to talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to think about what you are going to say. You can make some notes to help you if you wish. ]   Model Answer 1: My nephew just loved eating German chocolate cake whether there was an occasion for it or not. But an occasion makes it even more fun as you get to share it with your friends and families alike. The occasion was a birthday party of my nephew (my brother’s elder son who turned 7) about a couple of months ago, and we decided to celebrate it with a big German chocolate cake. It had to be a big cake as per the “order” of my nephew since he wanted to invite all of his classmates from his elementary class! The search for the best kind of cake was in full force as I, along with my brother, started hitting the cake baking shops one after another. We even tried a few pieces of cakes ourselves in an attempt to find the best kind(s). Then, after spending a hectic 3 hours in the streets/shops, we found what we were exactly looking for, and immediately decided to order for one. The big brown German chocolate cake, with no less weight than 20 pounds, would be ready after one week. Finally, we were ready to celebrate the best birthday ever, at least my nephew thought so! Was it a special cake? Of course, it was a very a special cake not because of its signature taste from the best kind of melted chocolate, buttermilk, whipped egg whites and coconut pecan filling, but because how it made my nephew and his friends feel special and happy. It was a heavenly sight to see a bunch of kids laughing, playing and enjoying each other’s company over a cake (my kind nephew didn’t forget to offer me a slice even though he was busy with his friends). Besides, it was a special cake to me because the cake was baked according to my specific instructions such as making the cake a bit thinner than usual, and not using too much sour cream in it for the purpose of ensuring a better taste. So, how exactly did the cake taste? Well, you know that the cake tasted “awesome” when a bunch of kids asks for just the same kind of cake with the same taste everyday! Model Answer 2: A cake is an inevitable part of a birthday celebration and without blowing the birthday candle and cutting the cake, a birthday party seems incomplete. Thank you very much for this great topic and I would like to share my experience of celebrating my mom's birthday for which I bought a special cake. It was my mom's birthday in the middle of June last year and I planned with my sister to make it special by rejoicing the day. My parents are very enthusiastic about celebrating our birthday every year but when it comes to revelling their birthday, they are quite adamant and gives different excuses. Last year, we celebrated my mom's birthday without even letting her know about it. I and my sister went to a large bakery shop earlier that day and picked a 3-pound eggless truffle cake, which is my mom's favourite, and we purchased the cake to surprise her. In the evening a few relatives and two friends of mine came to our house and we asked my mom to come to my room. All the birthday arrangements including the cake and gifts were well hidden in my room. When my parents entered my room, a bunch of surprises were waiting for them. My parents became speechless and I was so happy to see their smile. My mother cut the cake and we sang the birthday song for her. It was a large cake considering the number of people and we all enjoyed it. Later that night we went to a renowned Chinese restaurant and enjoyed our dinner. The cake was special because it was meant for the birthday of a very special person in our life - my mother. I have bought many cakes including birthday cakes on different occasions but purchasing a cake for my mother was something truly special as it made her happy. It was not merely a cake but a gesture of our love for her and our gratefulness for everything she has done and still doing for us.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Describe
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
/made a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
. You should say: what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
was why you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
whom you ate it with and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
[You will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about what you are going to say. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you if you wish.
Loose punctuation mark.
]
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Model Answer 1: My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nephew
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
eating German chocolate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
whether there was an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
for it or not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it even more fun as you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to share it with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and families alike. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
was a birthday party of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nephew
(my brother’s elder son who turned 7) about a couple of months ago, and we decided to celebrate it with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
German chocolate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
. It had to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
as per the “order” of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nephew
since he wanted to invite all of his classmates from his elementary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
!

The search for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
was in full force as I, along with my brother,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
hitting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
baking shops one after another. We even tried a few pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cakes
ourselves in an attempt to find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind(s)
. Then, after spending a hectic 3 hours in the streets/shops, we found what we were exactly looking for, and immediately decided to order for one. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
brown German chocolate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
, with no less weight than
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
20 pounds
, would be ready after one week.
Finally
, we were ready to celebrate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
birthday ever, at least my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nephew
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
so
!

Was it a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
?
Of course
, it was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its signature taste from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of melted chocolate, buttermilk, whipped egg whites and coconut pecan filling,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
how it made my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nephew
and his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
and happy. It was a heavenly sight to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a bunch of kids laughing, playing and enjoying each other’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
over a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
(my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nephew
didn’t forget to offer me a slice
even though
he was busy with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends)
.
Besides
, it was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
to me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
was baked
according to my specific instructions such as making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
a bit thinner than usual, and not using too much sour cream in it for the purpose of ensuring a better taste.

So
, how exactly did the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
taste?
Well
,
you know
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
tasted “awesome” when a bunch of kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asks for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
with the same taste
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
!

Model Answer 2: A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
is an inevitable part of a birthday celebration and without blowing the birthday candle and cutting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
, a birthday party seems incomplete. Thank you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much for this great topic and I would like to share my experience of celebrating my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom's
birthday for which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
. It was my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom's
birthday in the middle of June last year and I planned with my sister to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
by rejoicing the day. My parents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
enthusiastic about celebrating our birthday every year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
revelling
their birthday, they are quite adamant and gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
excuses. Last year, we celebrated my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom's
birthday without even letting her know about it. I and my sister went to a large bakery shop earlier that day and picked a 3-pound
Possible spelling mistake found.
eggless
truffle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
, which is my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom's
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
, and we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
to surprise her. In the evening a few relatives and two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
of mine came to our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
house and
we asked my mom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to my room. All the birthday arrangements including the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
and gifts were
well
hidden in my room. When my parents entered my room, a bunch of surprises
Possible agreement error
were
waiting for them. My parents became
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
speechless and
I was
so
happy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their smile. My mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cake and
we sang the birthday song for her. It was a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
considering the number of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
we all enjoyed it. Later that night we went to a renowned Chinese restaurant and enjoyed our dinner. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
was meant
for the birthday of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
person in our life
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
my mother. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cakes
including birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cakes
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
purchasing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
for my mother was something
truly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
as it made her happy. It was not
merely
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a gesture of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for her and our gratefulness for everything she has done and
still
doing for us.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
72Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS speaking Describe an occasion when you bought/made a special cake. v. 1

Speaking
  American English
5 paragraphs
785 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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