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Describe an memorable event

Describe an memorable event PkkYX
I think there have been so many memorable events in my life until the present and out of those, I'd like to talk about my recent happiness when I passed casting calls of 2 music clubs. I have a steady belief that I will never forget this. To be honest, I'm a music lover, and I'm engrossed in listening to music as well as hum following the melody every time I stay alone. Nevertheless, I'm a rather quiet and shy person, so it's challenging for me to express myself in front of other people. As soon as I have just entered the university, the desire to join a music club immediately springs to my mind. However, I still have a little hesitation. What I mean is I don't trust in my ability actually, and I think the result will disappoint me a lot. So I find my friend to ask something I'm uncertain about. You know, I really appreciate her since she either sings beautifully or be modest and adorable, so her advice has a huge impact on my decision. She told me to believe in myself and she thought I could do it well, which gave me a strong motivation. I made my mind up applying to 2 music clubs in my school with the simple thought I would just only pass one. Both of them have 2 rounds, and I need to pass all rounds to become an official member. Gradually, I don't care about the result anymore. I just want to say that I made an effort to practice as much as I can and spend my quality time on this occasion. After 2 weeks, on a sunny day, I received the announcements for excellent completion and being one part of them. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I was over the moon when I heard the news. For the first time, I participated in a club, performed before strangers, be interviewed, and I did it. This event has determined that I also have talent, so don't be hesitate or suspect myself, just do it. Everythings seems hard in primary, but if I have an optimist thinking, trust my self and do my best, I will overcome all the challenges.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there have been
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
memorable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in my life until the present and out of those, I'd like to talk about my recent happiness when I passed casting calls of 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
. I have a steady belief that I will never forget this.

To be honest, I'm a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lover, and I'm engrossed in listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as
well
as hum following the melody every time I stay alone.
Nevertheless
, I'm a
rather
quiet and shy person,
so
it's challenging for me to express myself in front of other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
entered the university, the desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
immediately springs to my mind.
However
, I
still
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
hesitation. What
I mean
is I don't trust in my ability
actually
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the result will disappoint me a lot.
So
I find my friend to ask something I'm uncertain about.
You know
, I
really
appreciate her since she either sings
beautifully
or be modest and adorable,
so
her advice has a huge impact on my decision. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me to believe in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
myself and
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
I could do it
well
, which gave me a strong motivation. I made my mind up applying to 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
in my school with the simple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pass one. Both of them have 2 rounds, and I need to pass all rounds to become an official member.
Gradually
, I don't care about the result anymore. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to say that I made an effort to practice as much as I can and spend my quality time on this occasion.

After 2 weeks, on a sunny day, I received the announcements for excellent completion and being one part of them. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I was over the moon when I heard the news. For the
first
time, I participated in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
, performed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
strangers,
be interviewed
, and I did it. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
has determined that I
also
have talent,
so
don't be
Consider using a past participle here: "hesitated".
hesitate
or suspect myself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do it.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Everythings
seems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in primary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if I have an optimist thinking, trust my self and do my best, I will overcome all the challenges.
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IELTS speaking Describe an memorable event

Speaking
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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