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Describe a success your friend has had that you are proud of. v.1

Describe a success your friend has had that you are proud of. v. 1
Describe a success your friend has had that you are proud of. You should say: what success it was how he/she achieved it how easy or difficult it was for your friend and explain why you are proud of it.   [You will have to talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to think about what you are going to say. You can make some notes to help you if you wish. ]   Model Answer 1: People say that nothing succeeds like success. So, we like to talk about it, whether it is ours or achieved by others, whenever an opportunity is presented. Today, I would like to talk about such success which surely would make anybody proud. This success belonged to one of my friends.   My friend, Travers, was an aspiring entrepreneur, and he wanted to establish himself as a successful entrepreneur since his early days as an adult. So, he decided to enter into the business of making garments products such as shirts and pants for the adults. But, the problem was that he neither had any prior working experience in that particular business sector, nor he received any formal training in the trade. So, it wasn’t exactly easy for my friend to get the entrepreneurial start that he expected.   But, he was a very determined lad, and he was not exactly ready to give up so easily. So, he decided to take a job at one of the garments factories with a very minimal wage in order to make him familiar with some of the tricks of running a garments business. It wasn’t an easy job to do since it involved long hours of manual works from unloading shipments to cuttings and sizing of hundreds of fabric pieces. He continued his back-breaking works there for almost a year, learning the nitty-gritty details of the business. Finally, he was ready- he was ready to set up his own business.   A few sewing machines and a few skilled technicians were all he needed to start his business. In the beginning, it was only a few orders from here and there with nothing consistent just to keep him going in his works with a very minimal profit. But, as time progressed, my friend would get out for collecting work orders from different businesses, all over the country, in order to make customized dresses for them. I guess it was during this crucial period of time, my friend sensed that something good was going. My friend finally got what he wanted after working tirelessly for almost two years.   I am really proud of my friend for what he achieved and how he achieved it. It was because of his hard works and sheer determination that he managed to become a successful entrepreneur at such an early age. In fact, there was tremendous pressure from his family to get a good job (since he graduated from university with good grades) instead of starting a business, but he didn’t succumb to the pressure and chose to carry on with his entrepreneurial pursuit even if it meant working for 16 hours a day and 30 days a month. I am also very proud of my friend because he was working for a greater purpose which was to create better working opportunities for the unemployed young adults, and I must say that he succeeded in achieving his goal to a large extent.     Model Answer 2: People say that the secret of success is to do the common thing uncommonly well, but seldom people understand that it takes a lot of times and efforts to be successful. However, it holds even truer when a woman raises her “flag of success” in this world because, after all, it is not really easy for a woman to be successful whether it is academically or professionally. But, my friend, Rebecca Lin, made “success” look really easy as she was only one of the two students in her 50 years of university history who managed to receive “Presidential Award” for her extraordinary academic records throughout her entire university years. But, did that success really come that easily? The answer is “no” because she had to go through a lot of hardship and sufferings during her university years. For example, she fell sick with Para-typhoid for more than three months during which period she seldom attended any classes. To make it even worse, at one point, her father (the only person in her family who was earning for the entire family, and they were a poor family also ) lost his job, and as a result, Rebecca had to work two shifts (16 hours) in order to support her family financially as well as attending university classes. Besides, she had to travel at least 3 hours a day in order to commute back and forth from her residence to school every day. Now, achieving such a great academic result after weathering so many difficulties was truly remarkable even for a man, let alone a woman. I am truly proud of my friend “Rebecca” not because she is my friend but because she is a woman, and as a woman myself, I am not too sure that I could ever achieve such a feat even under the best of the circumstances. Besides, she managed to fare so extraordinarily in a subject (she was studying “Chemical Engineering”) which was very difficult to study for a woman as she needed to spend a lot of hours in a lab.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Describe
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
has had that you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proud
of. You should say: what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
it was how he/she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieved
it how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easy
or difficult it was for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proud
of it.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
[You will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about what you are going to say. You can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you if you wish.
Loose punctuation mark.
]
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Model Answer 1:
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
say that nothing succeeds like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
So
, we like to talk about it, whether it is ours or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieved
by others, whenever an opportunity
is presented
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, I would like to talk about such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
which
surely
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
anybody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proud
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
belonged to one of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Travers
, was an aspiring entrepreneur, and he wanted to establish himself as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
entrepreneur since his early days as an adult.
So
, he decided to enter into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
of making garments products such as shirts and pants for the adults.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the problem was that he neither had any prior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
experience in that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
sector, nor he received any formal training in the trade.
So
, it wasn’t exactly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easy
for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the entrepreneurial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, he was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
determined lad, and he was not exactly ready to give up
so
easily
.
So
, he decided to take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at one of the garments factories with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
minimal wage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
him familiar with
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
tricks of running a garments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. It wasn’t an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to do since it involved long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of manual works from unloading shipments to cuttings and sizing of hundreds of fabric pieces. He continued his back-breaking works there for almost a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, learning the nitty-gritty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Finally
, he was ready- he was ready to set up his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
A few sewing machines and a few skilled technicians were all he needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. In the beginning, it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
orders
from here and there with nothing consistent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
him going in his works with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
minimal profit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
Did you mean "as time passed"?
as time progressed
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out for collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
orders
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
, all over the country, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
customized dresses for them.
I guess
it was during this crucial period of time, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
sensed that something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
was going. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
what he wanted after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
tirelessly
for almost two years.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
I am
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proud
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
for what he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieved
and how he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieved
it. It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
works and sheer determination that he managed to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
entrepreneur at such an early age. In fact, there was tremendous pressure from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
(since he graduated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades)
instead
of starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he didn’t succumb to the pressure and chose to carry on with his entrepreneurial pursuit even if it meant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for 16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day and 30 days a month. I am
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proud
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a greater purpose which was to create better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
opportunities for the unemployed young adults, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that he succeeded in achieving his goal to a large extent.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
   
Model Answer 2:
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
say that the secret of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is to do the common thing
uncommonly
well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
seldom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
understand that it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
times and efforts to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
However
, it holds even truer when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
raises her “flag of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success”
in this world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
after all
, it is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easy
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
whether it is
academically
or
professionally
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
, Rebecca Lin, made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“success”
look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easy
as she was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one of the two students in her 50 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
history who managed to receive “Presidential Award” for her extraordinary academic records throughout her entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, did that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
that
easily
? The answer is “no”
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she had to go through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
hardship and sufferings during her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
years.
For example
, she fell sick with Para-typhoid for more than three months during which period she seldom attended any classes. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it even worse, at one point, her father (the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
person in her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
who was earning for the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and they were a poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
also
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
lost his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and
as a result
, Rebecca had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
two shifts (16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours)
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to support her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
financially
as
well
as attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
classes.
Besides
, she had to travel at least 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
Consider using "commute".
commute back and forth
from her residence to school every day.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, achieving such a great academic result after weathering
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties was
truly
remarkable even for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone a woman.

I am
truly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proud
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
“Rebecca” not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she is my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
, and as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
myself, I am not
Did you mean "to sure"?
too sure
that I could ever achieve such a feat even under the best of the circumstances.
Besides
, she managed to fare
so
extraordinarily
in a subject (she was studying “Chemical Engineering”) which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to study for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
as she needed to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in a lab.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
96Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS speaking Describe a success your friend has had that you are proud of. v. 1

Speaking
  American English
3 paragraphs
928 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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