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Describe a famous person whom you admire. v.1

Describe a famous person whom you admire. v. 1
Describe a famous person whom you admire. You should say: who this person is what makes him/her famous where does he/she live  and explain why you admire him/her.   [You will have to talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to think about what you are going to say. You can make some notes to help you if you wish. ] Model Answer 1: Having born and raised in one of the New York suburbs at the house of a dentist father in 1984, Mark Elliot Zuckerberg made his mark at an elementary school by getting interested in computer programming. But, little did anybody know at that time that the little “computer whiz” would revolutionize the concept of social media networking by creating a thing called “facebook. com” in 2004. Whatever followed after that is just 'history'. I would like to thank you for this nice topic and in my opinion, Zuckerberg is one of the most prolific and successful programmers and entrepreneurs ever, and I admire him so much. In fact, Mark Zuckerberg became so famous that Time Magazine declared this American technology entrepreneur and philanthropist as ‘person of the year” in 2010. Having managed to connect more than 1 billion people among themselves one way or another, today, the social media “Mughal” has every right to claim his place in history as the “greatest web entrepreneur” of all time, some would say. Living in a house of more than 5000 square feet, with a price tag of about $7. 3 million, in a town called Palo Alto, California, Mark Zuckerberg became the youngest self-made billionaire with a net worth of more than $65. 4 billion today. Admiring a person for offering the world a new horizon of virtual reality by inventing a thing called “Facebook” in order to turn this world into a small place is easy. I could also easily admire his clear way of thinking which motivated him to wear the same T-shirt every day so that he didn’t have to waste his time in deciding small things such as what to wear, or what to eat for breakfast every day. But what I admire the most about this person is his risk-taking abilities (dropping out from Harvard University or turning down very lucrative offers from companies like Microsoft and AOL, just to name a few) and innovative ideas with a clear sense of vision in his mind so that he could finally deliver something really, really amazing to this world. Finally, one couldn’t help admiring a “philanthropist” like Mark Zuckerberg, who is already a living legend in his mid 30’s, when he decided to donate at least 50% of his business shares- worth about $65 billion now – to promote equality and human development in the world. Now, how many people can do that! Sample Answer 2: We all have our favourite personalities whom we respect and love from the bottom of our heart. While some of them are friends and family whom we meet almost every single day, a few of them are great sportsmen or famous silver screen stars whom we have never met. Our admiration for a famous person makes us follow him/her and it's a dream for many to meet a well-known celebrity. Interestingly, I have a list of my favourite personalities from different arenas whom I follow on social networking platforms and I admire them for their talents, skills, contributions, philanthropic activities, and success stories.   One such famous person whom I greatly admire is Lionel Messi, one of the greatest football players of all time. He is a well-respected sportsman whom I have been following in news and Twitter for more than eight years. I scarcely miss a football match in which he plays. He is a wonder-boy in football and the favourite sportsman of millions of football fans around the world.   Messi is an Argentine professional footballer who plays as a forward both for the Spanish club Barcelona and the Argentina national team. Messi has won five Ballon d'Or awards, two FIFA Club World Cup golden ball, a record five European Golden Shoes, nine La Liga titles, four UEFA Champions League titles, six Copas del Rey and he holds many other records and success stories. Both a prolific goalscorer and a creative playmaker, Messi holds many enviable records in the professional football. He has scored over 680 senior career goals for his club and country. Often considered the best player in the world and regarded by many as one of the greatest players of all time, he is world renowned and inspiration to many aspiring football players. Messi is his country's all-time leading goalscorer and he currently lives in Castelldefels, a village near Barcelona.   Messi has earned my deep admiration primarily for his amiable character, and formidable skills. Besides, he is the best football player alive and I really enjoy his performance and skills. Throughout his career, he has been involved in charitable efforts aimed at vulnerable children, a commitment that stems in part from the medical difficulties he faced in his own childhood. Since 2004, he has contributed his time and finances to the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF). One of the highest paid sportsmen of all time, he is a legend in football history and deserved our respect and admiration. I admire him more than any other football player I know about.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Describe
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
whom you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
. You should say: who this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
where does he/she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
him/her.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
[You will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about what you are going to say. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you if you wish.
Loose punctuation mark.
]
Model Answer 1: Having born and raised in one of the New York suburbs at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
of a dentist father in 1984,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mark
Elliot Zuckerberg made his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mark
at an elementary school by getting interested in computer programming.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
did anybody know at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
“computer whiz” would revolutionize the concept of social media networking by creating a thing called “
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
com
” in 2004. Whatever followed after
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
'history'.

I would like to thank you for this nice topic and in my opinion, Zuckerberg is one of the most prolific and successful programmers and entrepreneurs ever, and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
him
so
much. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mark
Zuckerberg became
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
Magazine declared this American technology entrepreneur and philanthropist as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘person
of the year” in 2010.

Having managed to connect more than 1 billion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
among themselves one way or another,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, the social media “Mughal” has every
right
to claim his place in history as the “greatest web entrepreneur” of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would say. Living in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
of more than
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
5000 square feet
, with a price tag of about $7. 3 million, in a town called Palo Alto, California,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mark
Zuckerberg became the youngest self-made billionaire with a net worth of more than $65. 4 billion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

Admiring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
for offering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
a new horizon of virtual reality by inventing a thing called “Facebook” in order to turn this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
into a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
place is easy. I could
also
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
way of thinking which motivated him to wear the same T-shirt every day
so
that he didn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
waste his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in deciding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
things such as what to wear, or what to eat for breakfast every day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
the most about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
-taking abilities (dropping out from Harvard University or turning down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lucrative offers from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Microsoft and AOL,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to name a few) and innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
sense of vision in his mind
so
that he could
finally
deliver something
really
,
really
amazing to this world.

Finally
, one couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
admiring a “philanthropist” like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mark
Zuckerberg, who is already a living legend in his mid
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "30s".
30’s
, when he decided to donate at least 50% of his business shares- worth about $65 billion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
to promote equality and human development in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can do that!

Sample Answer 2: We all have our
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
personalities whom we respect and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from the bottom of our heart. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are friends and family whom we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
almost every single day, a few of them are great sportsmen or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
silver screen stars whom we have never met. Our admiration for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us follow him/her and it's a dream for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a
well
-known celebrity.
Interestingly
, I have a list of my
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
personalities from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
arenas whom I
'follow on' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "follow-on".
follow on
social networking platforms and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
them for their talents,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, contributions, philanthropic activities, and success stories.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
One such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
whom I
greatly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
is Lionel Messi, one of the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. He is a
well
-respected sportsman whom I have been following in news and Twitter for more than eight years. I
scarcely
miss a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
match in which he plays. He is a wonder-boy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
and the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sportsman of millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
fans around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Messi is an Argentine professional footballer who plays as a forward both for the Spanish club Barcelona and the Argentina national team. Messi has won five Ballon d'Or awards, two FIFA Club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup golden
Possible agreement error. The noun 'ball' seems to be countable, so consider using: "balls".
ball
, a record five European Golden Shoes, nine La
Possible spelling mistake found.
Liga
titles, four UEFA Champions League titles, six
Possible spelling mistake found.
Copas
del
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Rey and
he holds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other records and success stories. Both a prolific goalscorer and a creative playmaker, Messi holds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
enviable records in the professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
. He has scored over 680 senior career goals for his club and country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
considered the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and regarded by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as one of the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, he is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
renowned and inspiration to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
. Messi is his country's all-time leading
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
goalscorer and
he
currently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Castelldefels
, a village near Barcelona.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Messi has earned my deep admiration
primarily
for his amiable character, and formidable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Besides
, he is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
alive and I
really
enjoy his performance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Throughout his career, he has
been involved
in charitable efforts aimed at vulnerable children, a commitment that stems in part from the medical difficulties he faced in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
childhood. Since 2004, he has contributed his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and finances to the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF). One of the highest paid sportsmen of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, he is a legend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
history and deserved our respect and admiration. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
him more than any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
I know about.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS speaking Describe a famous person whom you admire. v. 1

Speaking
  American English
6 paragraphs
904 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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