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Describe a company or a business that employes many youths in your country. v.1

Describe a company or a business that employes many youths in your country. v. 1
Describe a company or a business that employes many youths in your country. You should say: what type of company/business it is how many young people it employes what these young people do there and explain how this company/business and its operation is important to your country. [You will have to talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to think about what you are going to say. You can make some notes to help you if you wish. ]   Model Answer: During the last two decades, my country has seen a tremendous surge in the number of different types of private companies which are, directly or indirectly, trying to address the unemployment problems among the youth of our country. Some of these companies have succeeded in doing so while the others have failed. However, today, I would like to talk about one of these companies that have succeeded. It is a telecommunication company. Having started its journey about 15 years ago, this company has successfully established itself as the leading telecommunication service provider in my country, with more than 80 million subscribers and almost 50% subscriber market share. It is a joint venture between a foreign company and a major corporation of my country, and it is done a tremendous job of providing the telecommunication services, that almost has a 99% cellular network coverage area of the entire country, at the very grass root level of my country and that too provided at a very affordable cost. Mainly providing internet and mobile phone services, this large telecommunication company has set up thousands of stores and service centres all over the country in order to help their customers quickly and efficiently. The company also has a huge corporate head office in the capital city of our country. Both of these stores/service centres and the corporate head office have employed tens of thousands of youths so far. At the stores and service centres, these youth employees are responsible to take care of the customer service roles and technical support, many youths at the corporate head office are responsible to write computer programmes, designing and developing web interfaces for the eCommerce services, product quality assurances and so on. Anyway, the operation of this company is really important for my country, mainly because it directly contributes to its economic growth by helping our government earn huge revenue. Besides, it also helps to address some serious and overall unemployment problems in my country. Finally, its operation is important also because it helps the entire country connected not only among its own citizens but also with the rest of the world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Describe
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or a business that
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "employs", the plural form of the noun 'employ'?
employes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youths in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. You should say: what type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
/business it is how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it employes
what these young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do there and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
/business and its operation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. [You will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about what you are going to say. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you if you wish.
Loose punctuation mark.
]
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Model Answer:

During the last two decades, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a tremendous surge in the number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which are,
directly
or
indirectly
, trying to address the unemployment problems among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have succeeded in doing
so
while the others have failed.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, I would like to talk about one of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that have succeeded.

It is a telecommunication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
its journey about 15 years ago, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has
successfully
established itself as the leading telecommunication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
provider in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, with more than 80 million subscribers and almost 50% subscriber market share. It is a joint venture between a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and a major corporation of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and it
is done
a tremendous job of providing the telecommunication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, that almost has a 99% cellular network coverage area of the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
grass root level of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and that too provided at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
affordable cost.

Mainly
providing internet and mobile phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, this large telecommunication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has set up thousands of stores and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their customers
quickly
and
efficiently
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
also
has a huge corporate head office in the capital city of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Both of these stores/service
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and the corporate head office have employed tens of thousands of youths
so
far. At the stores and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
employees are responsible to take care of the customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
roles and technical support,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youths at the corporate head office are responsible to write computer
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, designing and developing web interfaces for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
eCommerce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, product quality assurances and
so
on.

Anyway
, the operation of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
directly
contributes to its economic growth by helping our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
earn huge revenue.
Besides
, it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious and
overall
unemployment problems in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Finally
, its operation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
connected not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
among its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with the rest of the world.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS speaking Describe a company or a business that employes many youths in your country. v. 1

Speaking
  American English
5 paragraphs
442 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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