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Your local hospital has advertised for people to do unpaid work helping at the hospital

Your local hospital has advertised for people to do unpaid work helping at the hospital pReJ3
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing in response to your recent advertisement for unpaid work at your hospital. I am currently studying towards my accountancy qualifications and I would appreciate if I am given an opportunity to work within the Finance department of your hospital. This opportunity will not only enable me to contribute my time to support the work of your hospital but also to gain relevant practical experience within Finance which will be helpful as my career progresses. As I also live within the community, I have benefited from receiving healthcare from your hospital and I like the work ethics at the hospital. I am available to work for an initial period of 3 months and I can start work within a notice period of 3 days. I have appended a copy of my resume to this letter for your kind consideration. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours sincerely,
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in response to your recent advertisement for unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at your hospital.

I am
currently
studying towards my accountancy qualifications and I would appreciate if I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
within the Finance department of your hospital.

This opportunity will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enable me to contribute my time to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of your hospital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to gain relevant practical experience within Finance which will be helpful as my career progresses.

As I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
within the community, I have benefited from receiving healthcare from your hospital and I like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
ethics at the hospital.

I am available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for an initial period of 3 months and I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
within a notice period of 3 days.

I have appended a copy of my resume to this letter for your kind consideration.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
look forward to hearing from you.

Yours
sincerely
,
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IELTS letter Your local hospital has advertised for people to do unpaid work helping at the hospital

Letter
  American English
9 paragraphs
154 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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