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You work for an international company, and would you like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter • Explain why you want to work in the company’s head office for six months • Say how your work could be done while you are away • Ask for his/her help in arranging it

You work for an international company, and would you like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter • Explain why you want to work in the company’s head office for six months • Say how your work could be done while you are away • Ask for his/her help in arranging it 65Lx
Dear Mr. Prakash, I am writing to request for my onsite short term deputation to our organization head office in CANADA. I worked in offshore team since six years and I never get any opportunity to go onsite due to other team members are more seniors than me. This year I would like to go onsite because I am the only one left in team, all other teammates experienced onsite work culture. And another reason is it would be increase my self-confidence and work environment skills by interacting with direct customers in head office. Also you promised me in last year appraisal will give onsite choice this year. On my absence here the workload will be take care by my teammate Mr. Balu. I trained him on all the tools and frame work which we used for our daily job. He familiar with this work and I hope there will be a no problem. Also I will be happy to do extra work hours to complete any outstanding pending work upon my return back to offshore. I would be grateful if could help me to process my short deputation request with higher management. I am looking forward hearing back. Yours Sincerely, Thiurpathi Malyala.
Dear Mr. Prakash,

I am writing to request for my onsite short term deputation to our organization head office in CANADA.

I worked in offshore team since six years and I never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any opportunity to go onsite due to other team members are more seniors than me. This year I would like to go onsite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in team, all other teammates experienced onsite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
culture. And another reason is it would be increase my self-confidence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by interacting with direct customers in head office.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
you promised me in last year appraisal will give onsite choice this year.

On my absence here the workload will be take care by my teammate Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Balu
. I trained him on all the tools and frame
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for our daily job.
It seems that a verb is missing after "He". Please verify.
He
familiar with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and I hope there will be a no problem.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
I will be happy to do extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours to complete any outstanding pending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
upon my
Consider using "return".
return back
to offshore.

I would be grateful if could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to process my short deputation request with higher management. I am looking forward hearing back.

Yours
Sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Thiurpathi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Malyala
.
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IELTS letter You work for an international company, and would you like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter • Explain why you want to work in the company’s head office for six months • Say how your work could be done while you are away • Ask for his/her help in arranging it

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
203 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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