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You will go to a foreign country to stay there for one year, and you need a place to live in. You have decided to write to an agency for accommodation. v.1

You will go to a foreign country to stay there for one year, and you need a place to live in. You have decided to write to an agency for accommodation. v. 1
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to get some details about accommodation in Sydney that your agency can arrange for me. I have been accepted at Macquarie University in a research-based Master's degree programme, and I will start my classes from next June. I will stay there for one year and my wife will accompany me during my stay there. Therefore, I need a separate accommodation than the one the university has offered me in its residence hall. I am looking for a studio apartment that will not cost me more than $1500 per month and is located within the walking distance from the university. It would be ideal if the apartment comes with a fully equipped kitchen and fully furnished rooms with windows that allow natural light and fresh air. It would be a bonus if we can access shopping malls, markets, a park and other public amenities without travelling a long distance. I will fly to Sydney on 29th May and would highly appreciate if you can send me details of several accommodations I am looking for within the budget. I am hoping to hear from you soon regarding this. Yours faithfully, Avinash Kumar
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about accommodation in Sydney that your agency can arrange for me.

I have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
at Macquarie University in a research-based Master's degree
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my classes from
next
June.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
will stay there for one year and my wife will accompany me during my stay there.
Therefore
, I need
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "separate accommodation".
a separate accommodation
than the one the university has offered me in its residence hall.

I am looking for a studio apartment that will not cost me more than $1500 per month and
is located
within the walking distance from the university. It would be ideal if the apartment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a
fully
equipped kitchen and
fully
furnished rooms with windows that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
natural light and fresh air. It would be a bonus if we can access shopping malls, markets, a park and other public amenities without travelling a long distance.

I will
fly
to Sydney on 29th May and would
highly
appreciate if you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of several accommodations I am looking for within the budget.

I am hoping to hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
regarding this.

Yours
faithfully
,

Avinash Kumar
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS letter You will go to a foreign country to stay there for one year, and you need a place to live in. You have decided to write to an agency for accommodation. v. 1

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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