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You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. v.4

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. v. 4
Dear Annie, Hope you are doing fine. My departure date for New Zealand is drawing near, and I am busy with last-minute preparations. As you know, I have enrolled at an institute called 'Practical English' in Wellington, for a six-month Advanced course, full-time. It is quite expensive but I am hopeful of improving my English skills, especially pronunciation. To assist in covering the costs of my study, I aim to find a part-time job. Not only are the college fees rather high, but also I know that rental accommodation in the capital city will not be cheap; to say nothing of food and heating expenses! So I would very much like to arrange some temporary employment before I arrive. I was wondering if you could ask around among your friends and colleagues to see if anyone wants a house-cleaner, gardener, or nanny for their children. I know you have a wide social network in Wellington which you could canvas for me if you wouldn't mind, I'd be so grateful. I look forward to seeing you soon. Best wishes, Juliana
Dear Annie,

Hope you are doing fine. My departure date for New Zealand is drawing near, and I am busy with last-minute preparations. As you know, I have enrolled at an institute called 'Practical English' in Wellington, for a six-month Advanced course, full-time. It is quite expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am hopeful of improving my English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
especially
pronunciation.

To assist in covering the costs of my study, I aim to find a part-time job. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are the college fees
rather
high,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
I know that rental accommodation in the capital city will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
; to say nothing of food and heating expenses!
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much like to arrange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
temporary employment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I arrive.

I was wondering if you could ask around among your friends and colleagues to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if anyone wants a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
-cleaner, gardener, or nanny for their children. I know you have a wide social network in Wellington which you could canvas for me if you wouldn't mind, I'd be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
grateful.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
look forward to seeing you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Best wishes,

Juliana
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS letter You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. v. 4

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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