Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. v.4

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. v. 4
Dear Annie, Hope you are doing fine. My departure date for New Zealand is drawing near, and I am busy with last-minute preparations. As you know, I have enrolled at an institute called 'Practical English' in Wellington, for a six-month Advanced course, full-time. It is quite expensive but I am hopeful of improving my English skills, especially pronunciation. To assist in covering the costs of my study, I aim to find a part-time job. Not only are the college fees rather high, but also I know that rental accommodation in the capital city will not be cheap; to say nothing of food and heating expenses! So I would very much like to arrange some temporary employment before I arrive. I was wondering if you could ask around among your friends and colleagues to see if anyone wants a house-cleaner, gardener, or nanny for their children. I know you have a wide social network in Wellington which you could canvas for me if you wouldn't mind, I'd be so grateful. I look forward to seeing you soon. Best wishes, Juliana
Dear Annie,

Hope you are doing fine. My departure date for New Zealand is drawing near, and I am busy with last-minute preparations. As you know, I have enrolled at an institute called 'Practical English' in Wellington, for a six-month Advanced course, full-time. It is quite expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am hopeful of improving my English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
especially
pronunciation.

To assist in covering the costs of my study, I aim to find a part-time job. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are the college fees
rather
high,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
I know that rental accommodation in the capital city will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
; to say nothing of food and heating expenses!
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much like to arrange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
temporary employment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I arrive.

I was wondering if you could ask around among your friends and colleagues to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if anyone wants a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
-cleaner, gardener, or nanny for their children. I know you have a wide social network in Wellington which you could canvas for me if you wouldn't mind, I'd be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
grateful.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
look forward to seeing you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Best wishes,

Juliana
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS letter You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. v. 4

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts