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You saw an advertisement in a newspaper asking for volunteers for a charity event. write a letter to the organizer that do you have interest in this , do you have any previous experiences and how can you help them?

You saw an advertisement in a newspaper asking for volunteers for a charity event. write a letter to the organizer that do you have interest in this, do you have any previous experiences and how can you help them? lj56X
Dear Sir, I am writing this letter to know the process of joining as a volunteer for the charity event, which I saw in an advertisement that is going to happen soon. I am very interested in these types of social activities because I believe that If we help others we will surely get help from others, whether as a help of money or any kind of other stuff. I saw in an advertisement that this charity event is for orphan children which is the main reason for me to take an interest. Because when I was 18 years old I used to work at an orphanage during summer vacations. So I know better how this charity matters for them. Because as a worker there I used to arrange the charity events for the orphan children. I had spent almost every summer during my university school doing the charities. I can help you in many ways because I have previous experience with me so I can tell you the ways we can encourage people to do charity. Even I know some of the organizations which can sponsor us while doing these events. I am waiting for your reply so that we can help needy kids together. Yours Faithfully, Harmanpreet Singh.
Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter to know the process of joining as a volunteer for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
in an advertisement
that is
going to happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interested in these types of social activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that If we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others we will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from others, whether as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of money or any kind of other stuff.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
in an advertisement that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is for orphan children which is the main reason for me to take an interest.

“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
when I was 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to work at an orphanage during summer vacations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I know better how this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
matters for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
as a worker there I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to arrange the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
for the orphan children. I had spent almost every summer during my university school doing the charities.

I can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have previous experience with me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you the ways we can encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
. Even I know
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
organizations which can sponsor us while doing these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

I am waiting for your reply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
needy kids together.

Yours
Faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Harmanpreet
Singh.
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IELTS letter You saw an advertisement in a newspaper asking for volunteers for a charity event. write a letter to the organizer that do you have interest in this, do you have any previous experiences and how can you help them?

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
210 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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