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You have purchased some goods from a company and the goods were supposed to be delivered within three days of purchase. Seven days have already gone and you have not received the products yet. v.2

You have purchased some goods from a company and the goods were supposed to be delivered within three days of purchase. Seven days have already gone and you have not received the products yet. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am Rahul Sharma, the manager of the purchase and procurement division in Delta Bank, Maryland branch, writing to express my concern about the delivery of personal computers and routers I have recently purchased from you. I am hoping to get an update from you immediately. I purchased five Dell PC and two NETGEAR-AC2750 Dual-Band routers and my invoice number is DNR12547A. You personally assured that you will arrange the delivery in three days, before 25th May to be exact. Unfortunately, its already 2nd June and I am yet to receive those products! What is the reason for the delay? Is this something to do with your product stock or delivery chain? We need those goods as soon as possible and I can even arrange one of our cars to pick up these products from your store. Please update me regarding this. If you fail to deliver the products within the next couple of days, I am afraid, I will have to cancel the order. Expecting your cooperation in this regards. Yours faithfully, Rahul Sharma
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am Rahul Sharma, the manager of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and procurement division in Delta Bank, Maryland branch, writing to express my concern about the delivery of personal computers and routers I have recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
from you. I am hoping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an update from you immediately.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
five Dell
Possible agreement error. The noun 'PC' seems to be countable, so consider using: "PCs".
PC
and two NETGEAR-AC2750 Dual-Band routers and my invoice number is DNR12547A. You
personally
assured that you will arrange the delivery in three days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
25th May to be exact. Unfortunately, its already 2nd
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
June and
I am
yet
to receive those products!

What is the reason for the delay? Is this something to do with your product stock or delivery chain? We need those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible and I can even arrange one of our cars to pick up these products from your store.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
update me regarding this. If you fail to deliver the products within the
next
couple of days, I am afraid, I will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cancel the order.

Expecting your cooperation in
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards.

Yours
faithfully
,

Rahul Sharma
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS letter You have purchased some goods from a company and the goods were supposed to be delivered within three days of purchase. Seven days have already gone and you have not received the products yet. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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