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You have been to a business meeting at another company and saw a piece of equipment which can be useful for your company too. v.2

You have been to a business meeting at another company and saw a piece of equipment which can be useful for your company too. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am Duong Nguyen, a junior executive at Curl Business Incorporation, writing to suggest a bookshelf for our office that I have seen in an office in Melbourne, Australia. I had been to the zonal office of Stack IT Ltd last week to attend a meeting. I was quite impressed when I noticed that many employees in that office were reading novels as well as professionally helpful books. The bookshelf was placed in a room where employees often relax and read newspapers. The rack was a large one, at least 7 by 5 feet, and was made of mahogany wood. The bookshelf has a rich collection, accessible to all employees. I feel that we can offer the same facility to our workers and this would be a great way to encourage them to read helpful books. Most of our employees, during their lunch and tea breaks, watch TV or gossip with each other. I believe placing a bookshelf with a rich collection of books would be helpful both for the employees and the authority. I can help you order for such a shelf and talk to employees to know their book preference. I would really appreciate your kind consideration of having a bookshelf full of books in our office. Yours faithfully, Duong Nguyen
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Duong
Nguyen, a junior executive at Curl Business Incorporation, writing to suggest a bookshelf for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
that I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
in Melbourne, Australia.

I had been to the zonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
of Stack IT Ltd last week to attend a meeting.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
was quite impressed when I noticed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
were reading novels
as well
as
professionally
helpful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. The bookshelf
was placed
in a room where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
relax and read newspapers. The rack was a large one, at least 7 by
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
5 feet
, and
was made
of mahogany wood.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
bookshelf has a rich collection, accessible to all employees.

I feel that we can offer the same facility to our workers and this would be a great way to encourage them to read helpful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Most of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, during their lunch and tea breaks,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV or gossip with each other. I believe placing a bookshelf with a rich collection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
would be helpful both for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and the authority.

I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you order for such a shelf and talk to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
preference.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would
really
appreciate your kind consideration of having a bookshelf full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in our office.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Duong
Nguyen
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS letter You have been to a business meeting at another company and saw a piece of equipment which can be useful for your company too. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
216 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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