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You have been offered a job, asking you to start next week. You want the job very much but, because of a previous commitment, you want to delay the start for another two weeks. v.3

You have been offered a job, asking you to start next week. You want the job very much but, because of a previous commitment, you want to delay the start for another two weeks. v. 3
Dear Sir or Madam, I am absolutely honoured to learn from your email that you have finalised my joining in your company as an executive. I consider it a great leap towards my future career and I will serve my position with my best effort. However, I am writing to seek your permission for a delay on the joining date. I am afraid I cannot join on 15th June, the date you expect me to start. After I formally notified my current employer a month ago, they welcomed my decision. However, they have recently requested an extension to handover the projects I am currently working on and train a colleague. I am already committed to a project with my current employer and it would take another week to be finished. Thus, the new request from my manager forces me to work another two weeks with them. Therefore, I would request you to delay my joining date and I am absolutely positive about starting with you from the 1st of July. I hope you would allow me to finish my commitment to the current employer and let me join your company on 1st July. Yours faithfully, Daren Smith
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am
absolutely
Possible spelling mistake. 'honoured' is British English.
honoured
to learn from your email that you have
Possible spelling mistake. 'finalised' is British English.
finalised
my joining in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as an executive. I consider it a great leap towards my future career and I will serve my position with my best effort.
However
, I am writing to seek your permission for a delay on the joining date.

I am afraid I cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
on 15th June, the date you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
. After I
formally
notified my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
employer a month ago, they welcomed my decision.
However
, they have recently requested an extension to handover the projects I am
currently
working on and train a colleague. I am already committed to a project with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
employer and it would take another week to
be finished
.
Thus
, the new request from my manager forces me to work another two weeks with them.

Therefore
, I would request you to delay my joining
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
date and
I am
absolutely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
about starting with you from the 1st of July.

I hope you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to finish my commitment to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
employer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
on 1st July.

Yours
faithfully
,

Daren Smith
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS letter You have been offered a job, asking you to start next week. You want the job very much but, because of a previous commitment, you want to delay the start for another two weeks. v. 3

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • You have been offered a job, asking you to start next week. You want the job very much but, because of a previous commitment, you want to delay the start for another two weeks. v.3