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You are looking for a part-time job at a football club. Write a letter to the manager of the football club. In your letter, • introduce yourself • explain what experience and special skills you have • tell him/her when you think you could start

You are looking for a part-time job at a football club. Write a letter to the manager of the football club. In your letter, • introduce yourself • explain what experience and special skills you have • tell him/her when you think you could start bMnW
Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing in reference to an advertisement of job which was published on 22 November in Hamilton newspaper. My name is Dave, and I am 28 years old, I have completed my course regarding “Health & witness” from Mohawk university. During my college days, I was the captain of my football team, thus I pose intermediate knowledge about this sport as well as experience. I have learnt that you are looking for coach assistant for your club, and I am immensely keen to join your staff as a part time assistant coach. As I mentioned earlier, I am also a football player. I played the FIFA world cup in last year, as team member of UFC club, but due to my heart disease my doctor suggested me to take leave from game for 2 years. I met all the terms and requirements as mentioned in the job advertisement, so I consider myself a perfect individual for this job due to the fact that I was a professional player, and I can teach your club members a number of skills. I can start from the next week if you would like to arrange an interview then I am available on 22 and 23 November from 8: 00 a. m. to 5: 00 p. m. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Dave Batista
Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing in reference to an
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
job which
was published
on 22 November in Hamilton newspaper.

My name is Dave, and I am 28 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, I have completed my course regarding “Health & witness” from Mohawk university. During my college days, I was the captain of my football team,
thus
I pose intermediate knowledge about this sport
as well
as experience.

I have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
that you are looking for coach assistant for your club, and I am
immensely
keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
your staff as a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
assistant coach. As I mentioned earlier, I am
also
a football player. I played the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
FIFA world cup
in last year, as team member of UFC club,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to my heart disease my doctor suggested me to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
from game for 2 years.

I met all the terms and requirements as mentioned in the job advertisement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I consider myself a perfect individual for this job due to the fact that I was a professional player, and I can teach your club members a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from the
next
week if you would like to arrange an interview then I am available on 22 and 23 November from 8: 00 a. m. to 5: 00 p. m.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
look forward to hearing from you.

Yours
faithfully
,

Dave Batista

IELTS letter You are looking for a part-time job at a football club. Write a letter to the manager of the football club. In your letter, • introduce yourself • explain what experience and special skills you have • tell him/her when you think you could start

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
226 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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