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You are going to study at a college in the UK next year. You would like to stay in the college Hall of Residence. v.3

You are going to study at a college in the UK next year. You would like to stay in the college Hall of Residence. v. 3
Dear Sir or Madam, I have been accepted in the MBA course for the next academic year in your prestigious college. I am writing to inquire about suitable accommodation in the college Hall of Residence as I want to reserve it before I travel to the UK to join my classes. I am looking for a single room with attached bathroom and laundry facility. The room should be fully furnished and have good ventilation and ample natural light. Since I am a vegetarian, I would like to cook my own food, so accommodation with a fully equipped kitchen would be mandatory. If the above arrangement is not available in the Hall of Residence then I would not mind living with a local family who lived near the college. I would like to avoid daily long commuting to attend my classes and prefer a couple without children. Please notify me if you would like to have any additional information from my end. Waiting to hear from you soon regarding the availability of the accommodation and further process to reserve it. Yours faithfully, Preeti Ghuraiya
Dear Sir or Madam,

I have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in the MBA course for the
next
academic year in your prestigious college. I am writing to inquire about suitable accommodation in the college Hall of Residence as I want to reserve it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I travel to the UK to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
my classes.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am looking for a single room with attached bathroom and laundry facility. The room should be
fully
furnished and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ventilation and ample natural light. Since I am a vegetarian, I would like to cook my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
accommodation with a
fully
equipped kitchen would be mandatory.

If the above arrangement is not available in the Hall of Residence then I would not mind living with a local family who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
near the college. I would like to avoid daily long commuting to attend my classes and prefer a couple without children.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
notify me if you would like to have any additional information from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. Waiting to hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
regarding the availability of the accommodation and
further
process to reserve it.

Yours
faithfully
,

Preeti
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghuraiya
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS letter You are going to study at a college in the UK next year. You would like to stay in the college Hall of Residence. v. 3

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
182 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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