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You are going to have a family party in a private room in a hotel. v.2

You are going to have a family party in a private room in a hotel. v. 2
I intend to book a party venue at your hotel on 15th December 2018 and writing to inquire about the availability of it. Besides, I need information about the buffet menu for lunch, some additional facilities and their prices. I and my wife have decided to celebrate our 5th marriage anniversary on 15th December. We are expecting approximately 30 guests and for that, we need a large party hall that comes with a reception area and private facilities. Furthermore, I need some arrangements for that day - a comprehensive buffet menu, anniversary cake with greeting written on it, elegant decoration, drinks, soft music and some exciting toys for the children. A few of the guests are vegetarians and we need your buffet to be vegetarian-friendly. Finally, I am expecting you to have some staff members ready to serve the guests. I would be grateful if you could confirm the availability of your venue, and then send me the menu along with the prices for the food and service. I am looking forward to your prompt reply. Yours faithfully, Raymond Joseph
I intend to book a party venue at your hotel on 15th December 2018 and writing to inquire about the availability of it.
Besides
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
information about the buffet menu for lunch,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
additional facilities and their prices.

I and my wife have decided to celebrate our 5th
Wedding anniversaries are the proper term to describe the anniversary of the day of a wedding.
marriage
anniversary on 15th December. We are expecting approximately 30 guests and for that, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
a large party hall that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a reception area and private facilities.
Furthermore
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arrangements for that day
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a comprehensive buffet menu, anniversary cake with greeting written on it, elegant decoration, drinks, soft music and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exciting toys for the children. A few of the guests are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
vegetarians and
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
your buffet to be vegetarian-friendly.

Finally
, I am expecting you to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
staff members ready to serve the guests. I would be grateful if you could confirm the availability of your venue, and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me the menu along with the prices for the food and service.

I am looking forward to your prompt reply.

Yours
faithfully
,

Raymond Joseph
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS letter You are going to have a family party in a private room in a hotel. v. 2

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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