Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

You are going to have a family party in a private room in a hotel. v.1

You are going to have a family party in a private room in a hotel. v. 1
Dear Sir or Madam: I am a local resident of Melbourne, writing to inquire about the availability of the private gala in your Rendezvous Hotel Melbourne on 27th November. We will rejoice our parents' 50th anniversary, a very special occasion for all of us, and have decided to celebrate the event at your hotel's gala. We are expecting 50 guests on the occasion. The ceremony is on 27th November and we are planning a dinner party and would like to rent the venue for the evening. You should be in charge of a buffet dinner for the guests, drinks, decoration and supervision of the event. We would need a projector and a large screen to share some wonderful memories of our parents at the event. Make sure there is electricity backup. This is a distinctive event for us and we want to make it remarkable. Please inform me if the venue is available on that day and how much it would cost to hire the gala. Specify the menu and drink items and their prices including GST. I would appreciate if you can share your idea of decoration as well. Yours faithfully, Sarah Pauline Model
Dear Sir or Madam:

I am a local resident of Melbourne, writing to inquire about the availability of the private gala in your Rendezvous Hotel Melbourne on 27th November.

We will rejoice our parents' 50th anniversary, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
special occasion for all of us, and have decided to celebrate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
at your hotel's gala. We are expecting 50 guests on the occasion. The ceremony is on 27th
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
November and
we are planning a dinner party and would like to rent the venue for the evening.

You should be in charge of a buffet dinner for the guests, drinks, decoration and supervision of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
. We would need a projector and a large screen to share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wonderful memories of our parents at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Make
sure there is electricity backup. This is a distinctive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
us and
we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it remarkable.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
inform me if the venue is available on that day and how much it would cost to hire the gala. Specify the menu and drink items and their prices including GST. I would appreciate if you can share your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of decoration
as well
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Sarah Pauline

Model
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS letter You are going to have a family party in a private room in a hotel. v. 1

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts