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You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help.

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. N27m
Dear Marty, I hope my letter finds you happy and health. I still remember the time when we were in junior school together. Time indeed flies fast. I am very excited to share that I'm moving to Toronto, Canada for my masters program. My university is funding half of my tuition fees but I'm looking for your help to find me a part time job. The masters program that I'm enrolled in includes 3 working days sessions. To cover my daily expenses, I'm looking for this job. I can hop in for a weekend part time job as with this I will be able to create a balance between my university work and the job work. My university is located in central Toronto and since the city has a great metro connectivity, therefore distance will not be an issue here. As you were also doing a part time work in a hardware store while you were pursuing your masters program, I was hoping if you still have some contacts there that can help with it. Since I have a bachelors in computers, I can also work in a software industry. I would appreciate any leads. Hoping to meet you soon again. Regards, Adam
Dear Marty,

I hope my letter finds you happy and health. I
still
remember the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when we were in junior school together.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
indeed
flies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.

I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
excited to share that I'm moving to Toronto, Canada for my masters program. My university is funding half of my tuition fees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I'm looking for your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to find me a part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
job.

The masters program that I'm enrolled in includes 3 working days sessions. To cover my daily expenses, I'm looking for this job. I can hop in for a weekend part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
job as with this I will be able to create a balance between my university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and the job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. My university
is located
in central Toronto and since the city has a great metro connectivity,
therefore
distance will not be an issue here.

As you were
also
doing a part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a hardware store while you were pursuing your masters program, I was hoping if you
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contacts there that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with it. Since I have a bachelors in computers, I can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a software industry. I would appreciate any leads.

Hoping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
again.

Regards,

Adam
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IELTS letter You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help.

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
202 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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