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You are going on holiday and you would like to hire a car. One of your parties is in a wheelchair. v.1

You are going on holiday and you would like to hire a car. One of your parties is in a wheelchair. v. 1
Dear Sir or Madam, I am planning to organise a trip for my family to Manali during the upcoming summer holiday and for this, I want to hire a four-wheeler. I am writing to inquire about the availability of an eight-seater SUV within the time period of 5th to 10th November 2020. First, I would like to inform you that my grandfather is in a wheelchair and he is also escorting us on the trip. Hence the vehicle should be spacious enough as the comfort of the passengers is the foremost consideration for us. Moreover, we have never been to Manali and we are totally unaware of the road maps. A car with GPRS facility will be highly appreciated in this situation. And finally, I hope that there is no need to mention that we are expecting an AC drive in this hot summer. Please confirm the availability of the vehicle comprising of aforementioned amenities or an alternative with details, in the case of unavailability. I would be grateful if you can provide the quote for the same. Also, I am looking forward to hearing about any concession from your side on the reservation of the car well in advance with cash payment. In anticipation of hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Amita Rukhanee
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am planning to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
a trip for my family to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Manali
during the upcoming summer holiday and for this, I want to hire a four-wheeler. I am writing to inquire about the availability of an eight-seater SUV within the time period of 5th to 10th November 2020.

First
, I would like to inform you that my grandfather is in a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wheelchair and
he is
also
escorting us on the trip.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the vehicle should be spacious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
as the comfort of the passengers is the foremost consideration for us.
Moreover
, we have never been to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Manali and
we are
totally
unaware of the road maps. A car with GPRS facility will be
highly
appreciated in this situation. And
finally
, I hope that there is no need to mention that we are expecting an AC drive in this hot summer.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
confirm the availability of the vehicle
Did you mean "comprising" or "consisting of"?
comprising of
aforementioned amenities or an alternative with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, in the case of unavailability. I would be grateful if you can provide the quote for the same.
Also
, I am looking forward to hearing about any concession from your side on the reservation of the car well in advance with cash payment.

In anticipation of hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Amita
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rukhanee
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS letter You are going on holiday and you would like to hire a car. One of your parties is in a wheelchair. v. 1

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
213 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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