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You are applying for a job and need a letter of reference from someone who knew you when you were at college. v.4

You are applying for a job and need a letter of reference from someone who knew you when you were at college. v. 4
Dear Mr Joey Morgan, It is great to have this opportunity to communicate with a great and learned person like you again, and I also hope that you are doing well. Actually, I am writing this letter to request you to write me a letter of reference since I have applied for the position of a Quality Control Officer at a very prestigious garments factory in our country. By the way, this job would prove out to be important for me since it would allow me to gain some valuable experience in different kinds of garments items before starting my own clothing exporting business someday. The garments factory authority has no problem with my qualifications, skills and other credentials, but they want to learn a bit more about my academic life, extra-curricular activities, soft skills as well as my professional life, and hence the request for the reference letter. They want to know things like how serious and punctual student I really was as a college student, and what soft skills I had as a student. So, I would like to request you to please prepare a letter of reference for me so that I can finally get the job to fulfil my ultimate career aspiration. Yours sincerely, Peter Comb
Dear Mr Joey Morgan,

It is great to have this opportunity to communicate with a great and learned person like you again, and I
also
hope that you are doing well.

Actually, I am writing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
to request you to write me a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
of reference since I have applied for the position of a Quality Control Officer at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
prestigious
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "garments'" or "garment's"?
garments
factory in our country. By the way, this job would prove out to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for me since it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable experience in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of garments items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
clothing exporting business someday.

The
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "garments'" or "garment's"?
garments
factory authority has no problem with my qualifications,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and other credentials,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they want to learn a bit more about my academic life, extra-curricular activities, soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as my professional life, and
hence
the request for the reference
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
. They want to know things like how serious and punctual student I
really
was as a college student, and what soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
I had as a student.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I would like to request you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
prepare a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
of reference for me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the job to fulfil my ultimate career aspiration.

Yours
sincerely
,

Peter Comb
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS letter You are applying for a job and need a letter of reference from someone who knew you when you were at college. v. 4

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
209 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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