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You and your family are living in rented accommodation in an English speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture.

You and your family are living in rented accommodation in an English speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture. RrQW
Dear Mr. Smith, I am writing this letter to talk about a series of problems that make impossible to spend other days of our holidays here. I am Sahar, who talked to you for short- term rental you apartment last week. I visited the advertisement of your home when I was surfing on net to find suitable accommodation for my family that are coming from Iran to spend their holiday here with me. After I paid the cost of renting by my internet bank account, I took the keys of home from home agency. It is only a week that we have been living here but there are several problem about furniture. First and foremost, the furniture is out of dated and very messy so that we are disinclined to use them. Secondly, the electrician utilities such as wireless telephone and television are mostly down. The last but not least, the living room is very dingy. The walls and windows need renovating and painting. Due to reasons I mentioned above, we are reluctant to stay here for residue of my family's holiday and we decided to move on more comfortable accommodation, So I want the full refund of the amount paid. Dealing in mind the circumstance I trust you will kindly accept my request. I am waiting for your response. your sincerely, Sahar
Dear Mr. Smith,

I am writing this letter to talk about a series of problems that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
impossible to spend other days of our holidays here.

I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sahar
, who talked to you for short- term rental
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'you'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
you apartment
last week.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
visited the
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
your home when I was surfing on net to find suitable accommodation for my family that are coming from Iran to spend their holiday here with me. After I paid the cost of renting by my internet bank account, I took the keys of home from home agency.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a week that we have been living here
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
Possible agreement error. The noun problem seems to be countable; consider using: "several problems".
several problem
about furniture.
First
and foremost, the furniture is out of dated and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
messy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we
are disinclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
Secondly
, the electrician utilities such as wireless telephone and television are
mostly
down. The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the living room is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dingy. The walls and windows need renovating and painting.

Due to reasons I mentioned above, we are reluctant to stay here for residue of my family's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
holiday and
we decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on more comfortable accommodation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I want the full refund of the amount paid. Dealing in mind the circumstance I trust you will kindly accept my request.

I am waiting for your response.

Did you mean "Yours"? (complimentary close)
your
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Sahar
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IELTS letter You and your family are living in rented accommodation in an English speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture.

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
222 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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