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Write a letter to your college’s administration department complaining about the college facility. v.4

Write a letter to your college’s administration department complaining about the college facility. v. 4
Dear Sir or Madam, I am a science major in your college and very proud to be a member of this prestigious institution. However, I am writing to notify you of some problems we, the residential students, are facing for the last few weeks. I am hoping that you would take steps to solve those problems as early as possible. In relation to the specifics of the first problem, the only photocopy machine that we have in our college is out of order for over a month. We often need to travel to the nearest market for any photocopy requirement and it kills our valuable time. Moreover, our college canteen no longer maintains a healthy diet and due to this, I have had severe stomach pain last week. I had to visit a doctor and the test report outlines food poisoning. This same fate waited for some other students who ate in the canteen last week. I hope you can imagine the difficulty we are going through. I would really appreciate if you could intervene and solve the problems that are harshly affecting us. I hope you would take steps to solve our misery. Yours faithfully, Robert Buckley
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a science major in your college and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
proud to be a member of this prestigious institution.
However
, I am writing to notify you of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
we, the residential students, are facing for the last few weeks. I am hoping that you would take steps to solve those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as early as possible.

In relation to the specifics of the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
photocopy machine that we have in our college is out of order for over a month. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
need to travel to the nearest market for any photocopy requirement and it kills our valuable time.
Moreover
, our college canteen no longer maintains a healthy diet and due to this, I have had severe stomach pain last week. I had to visit a doctor and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
report outlines food poisoning. This same fate waited for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other students who ate in the canteen last week.

I hope you can imagine the difficulty we are going through. I would
really
appreciate if you could intervene and solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that are
harshly
affecting us.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
hope you would take steps to solve our misery.

Yours
faithfully
,

Robert Buckley
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
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IELTS letter Write a letter to your college’s administration department complaining about the college facility. v. 4

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
197 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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