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tourists and not local people are visiting museums and historical sites. why is it so and what are the ways to attract local people?

tourists and not local people are visiting museums and historical sites. why is it so and what are the ways to attract local people? 0AB19
Historical places are more often crowded by travelers rather than natives. There are plenty of reasons which contribute to this phenomenon, from which some will be mentioned in the following. Also, a solution will be presented to change the situation. First of all, museums and places similar to them charge visitors with a considerable amount of fee, which most of the time is not affordable by ordinary people living in the vicinity. For many local individuals, sightseeing is considered a luxury activity and they prefer to spend their money on other necessity of life instead such as food or clothing. Secondly, in special dates like Nowruz, historical sites such as Persepolis are far too populated with tourists that locals try to avoid those regions altogether. It seems that people living in the same city where tourist attractions are located never get the opportunity to enjoy their magnificent beauty at peace without being disturb by foreign intruders. Finally, people like to spend their free time to travel and leave their hometown. Hence, they rarely find spare time to visit the historical sites in their neighborhood. Moreover, they are always in their immediate reach so they would rather postpone their visit and go see places that are far away. Different steps can be taken to encourage local people to visit their hometown historical places. First step could be lowering the entrance fee for locals or even offering free passes to top students and their families. The next step could be dedicating some hours on special occasions only to local visitors. This way they will definitely feel honored and participate in celebrations along with their community members. Lastly, it is beneficial to advertise the value of historical sites and how they might not be around for all eternity so that people come to the realization that time is of the essence. For example, lots of historical places were destroyed after earthquake in Bam. Had people known about the disaster beforehand, they would have visited the place sooner. In conclusion, there are many problems preventing local residents from visiting their city's historical attractions as mentioned above. However, all challenges can be alleviated by spending money and some encouragements.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
crowded by travelers
rather
than natives. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of reasons which contribute to this phenomenon, from which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
will
be mentioned
in the following.
Also
, a solution will
be presented
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the situation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
similar to them charge visitors with a considerable amount of fee, which most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is not affordable by ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the vicinity. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
individuals, sightseeing
is considered
a luxury
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activity and
they prefer to spend their money on other necessity of life
instead
such as food or clothing.

Secondly
, in special dates like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowruz
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
sites such as Persepolis are far too populated with tourists that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
try to avoid those regions altogether. It seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the same city where tourist attractions
are located
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to enjoy their magnificent beauty at peace without being
Consider using a past participle here: "disturbed".
disturb
by foreign intruders.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to travel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their hometown.
Hence
, they rarely find spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
sites in their neighborhood.
Moreover
, they are always in their immediate reach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would
rather
postpone their visit and go
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
that are far away.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
steps can
be taken
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit their hometown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
First
step could be lowering the entrance fee for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
or even offering free passes to top students and their families. The
next
step could be dedicating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hours on special occasions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
visitors. This way they will definitely feel honored and participate in celebrations along with their community members.
Lastly
, it is beneficial to advertise the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
sites and how they might not be around for all eternity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the realization that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is of the essence.
For example
, lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
after earthquake in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bam
. Had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
known about the disaster beforehand, they would have visited the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
sooner.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents from visiting their city's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
attractions as mentioned above.
However
, all challenges can
be alleviated
by spending money and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
encouragements.
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IELTS letter tourists and not local people are visiting museums and historical sites. why is it so and what are the ways to attract local people?

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
364 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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