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The following appeared in a letter from a homeowner to a friend Of the two leading real estate firms in our town Adams Realty and Fitch Realty Adams Realty is clearly superior Adams has 40 real estate agents in contrast Fitch has 25 many of whom work only

The following appeared in a letter from a homeowner to a friend Of the two leading real estate firms in our town Adams Realty and Fitch Realty Adams Realty is clearly superior Adams has 40 real estate agents in contrast Fitch has 25 many of whom work only OVwKp
The paragraph above is a letter that compares two real estate firms in a town. the firms are named Adams Realty and Fitch Realty. It seems that the author of the paragraph seems to side with Adams reality due to his latest experience with them. It states that author was able to sell a house last year with the help of Adams Realty in a month. On the contrary, he exclaims that Fitch Realty are not up to the mark since they took up to four months to help the author sell a house. The author thus concludes that Adams Realty are a better bet than Fitch Realty. The above argument on an initial basis seems to provide categorical evidences to support the author claims. But on scrutiny, there are a few loopholes that if remain unanswered would cast a doubt on the conclusion that the author draws out of the above argument. Firstly, the author compares the employee strength of both the real estate firms by stating that Adams Realty have more employees than Fitch Realty. This helps the author draw the initial conclusion that Adams Realty is superior. The comparison of the employee strength does not pose an ideal factor to compare the superiority of a firm. It can also be possible that Fitch Realty work better at a lesser employee strength than Adams Realty. It can be highly possible that Fitch Realty run an efficient office where they do not need to resort to over-staffing and at the same time get the job done. Secondly, the author compares the revenue of both the firms stating that Adam Realty had a revenue, twice as high as that of Fitch Realty. This way the author implicitly puts forward his point that Adams Realty performed better financially last year which is why they should be picked over Fitch realty. The question that arises here is, why did the author compare the revenue of only the last year, why not the past five or ten years. Comparing an year's revenue, proves to be too short of a sample set to base a conclusion upon. Comparing the revenue of both the firms over an extended period could give up more compelling trends of the performance of both the firms. The last year could prove to be an anomaly and it could be the case that Fitch Realty perform well on an extended period as compared to Adams Realty in terms of revenue, Additionally, the author compares his experience with both Adams Realty and Fitch Realty and sides with Adams Realty by stating that Adams Realty helped the author sell his house quicker and at a higher price than Fitch Realty. The main distinguishing factor that brings down this comparison is the time period over which this comparison has been made. The house sold with the help of Fitch Realty was ten years ago while the one sold with the help of Adams Realty was a year ago. There might be a possibility that the housing sector was not doing well ten years ago, and this meant that Fitch Realty had trouble selling the house quickly. This comparison seems viable only if the performance of both the real estate firms occur in the same time period. The prompt provided above compares the performance of two real estate firms based on arguments that have voids in it. The evidences are not categorical and hence it weakens the conclusion that the author draws based on the evidences and arguments stated above.
The paragraph
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
is a letter that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compares
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
estate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
in a town.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
are named
Adams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
and Fitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seems
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
of the paragraph
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seems
to side with Adams reality due to his latest experience with them. It states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
was able to sell a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of Adams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
in a month.
On the contrary
, he exclaims that Fitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
are not up to the mark since they took up to four months to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
sell a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
thus
concludes that Adams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
are a better bet than Fitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
argument on an initial basis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seems
to provide categorical evidences to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
claims.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on scrutiny, there are a few loopholes
The verb 'remain' is plural. Did you mean: "that if remains"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that if remain
unanswered would cast a doubt on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
draws out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
argument.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compares
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
strength of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
estate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
by stating that Adams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
than Fitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
draw the initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
that Adams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
is superior. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comparison
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
strength does not pose an ideal factor to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compare
the superiority of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firm
. It can
also
be possible that Fitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
work better at a lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
strength than Adams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
. It can be
highly
possible that Fitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
run an efficient office where they do not need to resort to over-staffing and at the same time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the job done.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compares
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
stating that Adam
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
, twice as high as that of Fitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
. This way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
implicitly
puts forward his point that Adams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
performed better
financially
last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
which is why they should
be picked
over Fitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
realty
. The question that arises here is, why did the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compare
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, why not the past five or ten years. Comparing
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
year's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
, proves to be too short of a sample set to base a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
upon. Comparing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
over an extended period could give up more compelling trends of the performance of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
. The last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
could prove to be an anomaly and it could be the case that Fitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
perform well on an extended period as compared to Adams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
in terms of revenue,

Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compares
his experience with both Adams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
and Fitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
and sides with Adams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
by stating that Adams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
sell his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
quicker and at a higher price than Fitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
. The main distinguishing factor that brings down this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comparison
is the time period over which this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comparison
has
been made
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
sold with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of Fitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
was ten years ago while the one sold with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of Adams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
ago. There might be a possibility that the housing sector was not doing well ten years ago, and this meant that Fitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realty
had trouble selling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
quickly
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comparison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seems
viable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if the performance of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
estate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
occur in the same time period.

The prompt provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compares
the performance of two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
estate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
based on arguments that have voids in it. The evidences are not categorical and
hence
it weakens the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
draws based on the evidences and arguments stated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
.
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IELTS letter The following appeared in a letter from a homeowner to a friend Of the two leading real estate firms in our town Adams Realty and Fitch Realty Adams Realty is clearly superior Adams has 40 real estate agents in contrast Fitch has 25 many of whom work only

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
586 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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