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Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some governments spend a lot of funds training individuals to be successful in sporting events, but a few of the people believe that this money should be spent on things that benefit the general public, however, to a large extent I disagree with the opinion of people that this money does not benefit people. Firstly, the essay will talk about the benefits of sports taking into account the historical perspective, secondly, it will elucidate with the relevant examples addressing the concern of people. Historically, sports has ended wars and enmity amongst people held for centuries. It has created a social bond overcoming every sort of difference with the concept of sportsman spirit. In today’s modern world of nation-states, international sporting events such as Commonwealth Games, Olympics, etc. have created a stage for nations to come together and celebrate togetherness despite huge political/ideological differences. Not only this, but it also brings people together within the countries creating social harmony and boosting the standing of the nation among other countries. These intangible benefits sincerely contribute towards the public good which is well realized by the government. The sporting events also contribute towards the economy through viewership of channels, sponsorships, tourism, tickets, employment of people, etc. For example, countries across the world contest fiercely for the rights to organize Olympics. The concern of the people arises because they consider that these expenditures which is the foundation of sporting events don’t benefit people which seems futile. Therefore, we can agree to a large extent that the expenditure of government funds on sporting events is in public interest and benefits people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
funds training individuals to be successful in sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this money should
be spent
on things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
the
Consider using only “public” to avoid wordiness.
general public
,
however
, to a large extent I disagree with the opinion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that this money does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, the essay will talk about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of sports taking into account the historical perspective,
secondly
, it will elucidate with the relevant examples addressing the concern of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Historically
, sports has ended wars and enmity amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
held for centuries. It has created a social bond overcoming every sort of difference with the concept of sportsman spirit. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world of nation-states, international sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as Commonwealth Games, Olympics, etc. have created a stage for nations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together and celebrate togetherness despite huge political/ideological differences. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together within the countries creating social harmony and boosting the standing of the nation
Do not mix variants of the same word (‘among’ and ‘amongst’) within a single text.
among
other countries. These intangible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
sincerely
contribute towards the public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
which is well realized by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

The sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
also
contribute towards the economy through viewership of channels, sponsorships, tourism, tickets, employment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, etc.
For example
, countries across the world contest
fiercely
for the rights to organize Olympics. The concern of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
arises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they consider that these expenditures which is the foundation of sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which seems futile.

Therefore
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to a large extent that the expenditure of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funds on sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is in public interest and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS letter Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead.

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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