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Request Assistance from Manager for a computer malfunction

Request Assistance from Manager for a computer malfunction LLmd8
Dear John, I came across a computer malfunction that may need further investigation. In the middle of preparing the report you requested from me yesterday, the spreadsheet application I was using suddenly crashed. This was truly a peculiar situation since this never happened before. Furthermore, any other application failed to respond when I tried to invoke them. This unfortunate incident currently hampers my productivity since generally, this program is one of the tools I mainly use. It is capable of complex calculations, and generation of tables, and charts that we use for presentation. Finally, with this being inaccessible, it is certain that we will miss our deadlines. To address this issue, a recommended solution would be to quickly raise this to the IT department. The sent request should have a sense of urgency, and an expression of its importance not just to the department, but to the company as a whole. If in case this is further delayed, it is advisable that we include the Chief Operating Officer in the correspondence to ensure expediency. As this is a matter that impacts our team, please take the time to assess the situation, and discuss how we should proceed as soon as possible. Thanks, Carlo Lu
Dear John,

I came across a computer malfunction that may need
further
investigation.

In the middle of preparing the report you requested from me yesterday, the spreadsheet application I was using
suddenly
crashed. This was
truly
a peculiar situation since this never happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Furthermore
, any other application failed to respond when I tried to invoke them.

This unfortunate incident
currently
hampers my productivity since
generally
, this program is one of the tools I
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. It is capable of complex calculations, and generation of tables, and charts that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for presentation.
Finally
, with this being inaccessible, it is certain that we will miss our deadlines.

To address this issue, a recommended solution would be to
quickly
raise this to the IT department. The
Did you mean "scent"?
sent
request should have a sense of urgency, and an expression of its importance not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to the department,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as a whole. If in case this is
further
delayed, it is advisable that we include the Chief Operating Officer in the correspondence to ensure expediency.

As this is a matter that impacts our team,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
take the time to assess the situation, and discuss how we should proceed as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.

Thanks,

Carlo Lu
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IELTS letter Request Assistance from Manager for a computer malfunction

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
203 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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