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our college wants to organise an event this summer to raise money for schools in developing countries. below are some of your ideas. please also tell how we should organise the event, to make sure it is a success. 1. a fun sports day 2. a quiz evening 3. a concert. thankyou for your help. anna bradley, principal.

our college wants to organise an event this summer to raise money for schools in developing countries. below are some of your ideas. please also tell how we should organise the event, to make sure it is a success. 1. a fun sports day 2. a quiz evening 3. a concert. thankyou for your help. anna bradley, principal. VBXPm
Dear madame, I’m writing in response to your email. Among the ideas you gave, a concert would be the good one because many people, youngsters and not, really like listening to music and going to a concert is always one of their dreams. If we organise a fun sports day or a quiz evening maybe a few will participate because not everyone like sports or quiz games whereas music is an universal thing, there is music everywhere. In my opinion, to organise a successful event we should, first of all, print or make some invitation posters and advertisement to let people know about the concert, then we should also tell them its purpose, to raise money for schools. In conclusion we should make a survey to know about people’s music taste and then invite some singers and musician to make the concert helpful but also fun. Let me know what you think about the ideas, kind regards.
Dear madame, I’m writing in response to your email.

Among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
you gave, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
would be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, youngsters and not,
really
like listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
is always one of their dreams.

If we
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
a fun sports day or a quiz evening maybe a few will participate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not everyone like sports or quiz games whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
universal thing, there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
everywhere.

In my opinion, to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
a successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
we should,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, print or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
invitation posters and advertisement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
know about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
, then we should
also
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tell
them its purpose, to raise money for schools.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, we".
conclusion we
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a survey to know about
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people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
taste and then invite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
singers and musician to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
helpful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
fun.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me know what you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, kind regards.
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IELTS letter our college wants to organise an event this summer to raise money for schools in developing countries. below are some of your ideas. please also tell how we should organise the event, to make sure it is a success. 1. a fun sports day 2. a quiz evening 3. a concert. thankyou for your help. anna bradley, principal.

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
157 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • our college wants to organise an event this summer to raise money for schools in developing countries. below are some of your ideas. please also tell how we should organise the event, to make sure it is a success. 1. a fun sports day 2. a quiz evening 3. a concert. thankyou for your help. anna bradley, principal.