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Motivaton letter for the stipendium Hungacarium scholarship

Motivaton letter for the stipendium Hungacarium scholarship 6pODr
I was in the 9th grade when my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. This put us through severe financial constraints and kept everyone in the family demoralized. My mum went from a housewife to the breadwinner and my dad's full-time caregiver. Swapping roles with my mum made me responsible for my siblings and the home while struggling to retain my scholarship at school through hard work. While my dad battled with colon cancer, I witnessed our rudimentary cancer treatment facilities. I realized the brain drain in the Nigerian medical community and the presence of social injustice in our health care system. In this modern era of medicine, health services should not be based on cost but need. It is heartbreaking to think about how people are still exposed to experimental treatments (trial and error diagnosis) because they cannot afford standard health care services. My goal is to improve the efficiencies of our medical equipment and facilities and enable everyone to afford standard quality health services here in Nigeria. I aim to revive the mass’ faiths in hospitals. I dream of performing a lot of researches and working with highly qualified professors and medical personnel to become a valuable asset in my country by improving the health field with the resources, connections, and knowledge gained. Developing ways and medications to tackle mass killing diseases like cancer, not just for Nigeria but also for Africa is one of my priorities. I joined the Science department aligning with my vision of making waves in Medicine. Offering Chemistry, Biology, Physics, Math, and Further Math with other rigorous subjects throughout senior secondary school kept me well rounded in the Sciences. My position as the President of JETS Club while in high school from the 11th grade enabled me to lead researches and inventions. To keep me and some other students interested in the health field in line with our intended course of study, we carried out a lot of biological researches. My first cancer research was on “Hepatocellular carcinoma, ” the most common type of primary liver cancer. Through rigorous training from the club patrons, I represented the school in Mathematics and Science Competitions. Winning a gold medal/ first position in Lagos State in the National Mathematics and Science Olympiad, Junior Science Category, and other commendable positions in numerous interschool Science contests exposed me to impeccable learning experiences and beneficial friendships with fellow competitors. Experiences at the JETS club also pushed me to further my versatility; I am currently learning Python programming, hoping to develop programs beneficial to the health sector, especially in the area of oncology in the future. Studying at one of the prestigious universities in Hungary would be the most monumentous step towards my goal. I would gain unmatched global interactions and connections, initiating ideas of how to start up or partner with organizations that can help turn my dream for a healthy Nigeria and Africa into reality. With the medical programs and scholarship opportunities like the Stipendium Hungaricum program available for international students to study in Hungary, I have hope of actually becoming a medical doctor. With only my mother to foot the bills, I had to take a gap year for my mum to gather enough funds. Yet, the affordable Nigerian federal universities have been downgraded by corruption in the admissions process and everything in general. The consistent strikes of the teaching staff and almost dilapidated learning and research facilities will not give me the kind of study environment I long for to maximize my potentials. Rich in history and culture, I will have a vast glimpse into the world by studying in Hungary. The easy-going social life and the friendly international community will give me the home-away-from-home feeling. Challenges like culture shock, language barriers, and just fitting in generally are most likely to occur because of the change in environment. Fortunately, attending an international secondary school has taught me cultural acceptance, the readiness to exchange values, and complement your principles with favorable ones of others.
I was in the 9th grade when my dad
was diagnosed
with colon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancer
. This put us through severe financial constraints and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
everyone in the family demoralized. My mum went from a housewife to the breadwinner and my dad's full-time caregiver. Swapping roles with my mum made me responsible for my siblings and the home while struggling to retain my scholarship at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. While my dad battled with colon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancer
, I witnessed our rudimentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancer
treatment facilities. I realized the brain drain in the Nigerian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
community and the presence of social injustice in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system. In this modern era of medicine,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services should not
be based
on cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
need. It is heartbreaking to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
still
exposed to experimental treatments (trial and error diagnosis)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care services. My goal is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the efficiencies of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
equipment and facilities and enable everyone to afford standard quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services here in Nigeria. I aim to revive the mass’ faiths in hospitals. I dream of performing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
and working with
highly
qualified professors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
personnel to become a valuable asset in my country by improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
field with the resources, connections, and knowledge gained. Developing ways and medications to tackle mass killing diseases like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancer
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for Nigeria
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for Africa is one of my priorities.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
department aligning with my vision of making waves in Medicine. Offering Chemistry, Biology, Physics, Math, and
Further
Math with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
rigorous subjects throughout senior secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
me
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well rounded
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sciences
. My position as the President of JETS Club while in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
from the 11th grade enabled me to lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
and inventions. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
me and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
students interested in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
field in line with our intended course of study, we carried out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
biological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
. My
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
was on “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hepatocellular
carcinoma,
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
”
the most common type of primary liver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancer
. Through rigorous training from the club patrons, I represented the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in Mathematics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
Competitions. Winning a gold medal/
first
position in Lagos State in the National Mathematics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
Olympiad, Junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
Category, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
commendable positions in numerous
Possible spelling mistake found.
interschool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
contests exposed me to impeccable learning experiences and beneficial friendships with fellow competitors. Experiences at the JETS club
also
pushed me to
further
my versatility; I am
currently
learning Python programming, hoping to develop programs beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector,
especially
in the area of oncology in the future.

Studying at one of the prestigious universities in Hungary would be the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
monumentous
step towards my goal. I would gain unmatched global interactions and connections, initiating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up or partner with organizations that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
turn my dream for a healthy Nigeria and Africa into reality. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
programs and scholarship opportunities like the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Stipendium
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hungaricum
program available for international students to study in Hungary, I have hope of actually becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
doctor. With
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
my mother to foot the bills, I had to take a gap year for my mum to gather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds.
Yet
, the affordable Nigerian federal universities have
been downgraded
by corruption in the admissions process and everything
in general
. The consistent strikes of the teaching staff and almost dilapidated learning and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
facilities will not give me the kind of study environment I long for to maximize my potentials.

Rich in history and culture, I will have a vast glimpse into the world by studying in Hungary. The easy-going social life and the friendly international community will give me the home-away-from-home feeling. Challenges like culture shock, language barriers, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
fitting in
generally
are most likely to occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in environment.
Fortunately
, attending an international secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has taught me cultural acceptance, the readiness to exchange values, and complement your principles with favorable ones of others.
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IELTS letter Motivaton letter for the stipendium Hungacarium scholarship

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
667 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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