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motivation letter of any scholarship

My name is Safouane Haouzaoui and I am 18 years old. I am from Morroco and I live with my family of 8. My father is personal driver and my mother is housewife. So I have 5 siblings. I am excessively pleased to write you this letter to apply for the SBW scholarship. My dream is to continue my university education and I will spare no effort to achieve it. I crystal clear that is my choosing to this field was not in vain because it is the result of a long passion. My interest in electronics in general began when I was 16 and I tried to replace my phone operation system version, so I searched through the internet and after a long journey, I succeeded. I did not stop here, I tried to change the windows on my computer and I succeeded in this attempt too. And that led me to be the supervisor of the computer department in my school library. My work ranged from computer maintenance and taking care of it. Then, in the third year of high school I took an optinal course, Computer Science 3, contains the basics of programming and computer science and I was facinated by this course and what its content. Therefore I joined the CS50x course and I learned a lot about the C programming language and Algorithms, although I did not finish the course. However, I do believe that I am strong candidate for your scholarship because I have several accomplishments as I graduated with a 100% with a degree of honour and lead my to school to won third place in a local competition. I also take part in my school library and its team. And this gave me practical teamwork practice and teamwork skills. Furthermore, I gave a lecture on electronics repair and its related issues. Additionally I need a financial support because I am unable to afford any university fees due the fact that we are a big family and I can not make it even if my parents help me. This opportunity will make me able to help my family, country and community, and have a good job in many companies and will provide me good life. I crystal clear, keen, eager and determined to ahcieve my aims and if I won in this scholarship, I will spare no effort to achieve my goals, help and inspire my colleagues and community. Safouane Haouzaoui
My name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Safouane
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Haouzaoui and
I am 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. I am from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morroco
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with my family of 8. My father is personal driver and my mother is housewife.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I have 5 siblings. I am
excessively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
to write you this letter to apply for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
SBW
scholarship. My dream is to continue my university education and I will spare no effort to achieve it.

Possible mistake. Please verify.
I crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that is
my choosing to this field was not in vain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the result of a long passion. My interest in electronics
in general
began when I was
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
16 and
I tried to replace my phone
The word ‘operation’ doesn’t fit in this context.
operation system
version,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I searched through the internet and after a long journey, I succeeded. I did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
here, I tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the windows on my computer and I succeeded in this attempt too. And that led me to be the supervisor of the computer department in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
library. My work ranged from computer maintenance and taking care of it.

Then, in the third year of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
I took an
Possible spelling mistake found.
optinal
course, Computer Science 3, contains the basics of programming and computer
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
science and
I was
Possible spelling mistake found.
facinated
by this course and what its content.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the CS50x course and I learned a lot about the C programming language and Algorithms, although I did not finish the course.

However
, I do believe that I
Please check whether an article is missing: “am a strong” or “am an strong”
am strong
candidate for your scholarship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have several accomplishments as I graduated with a 100% with a degree of
Possible spelling mistake. ‘honour’ is British English.
honour
and lead my
Did you mean the number “two”?
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to won third place in a local competition. I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
library and its team. And this gave me practical teamwork practice and teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Furthermore
, I gave a lecture on electronics repair and its related issues.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
I need a financial support
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am unable to afford any university fees due the fact that we are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
family and I can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it even if my parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me.

This opportunity will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
my family, country and community, and have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and will provide me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life.

Possible mistake. Please verify.
I crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, keen, eager and determined to
Possible spelling mistake found.
ahcieve
my aims and if I won in this scholarship, I will spare no effort to achieve my goals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and inspire my colleagues and community.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Safouane
Possible spelling mistake found.
Haouzaoui
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IELTS letter motivation letter of any scholarship

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
407 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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