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Many people nowadays tend to marry and have children in their thirties rather than at a younger age. Is this a positive or negative development?

Many people nowadays tend to marry and have children in their thirties rather than at a younger age. Is this a positive or negative development? VBEwQ
Dear Sir, I am writing this letter on behalf of the Student Committee, Lesley Community College, Central London. We are considering to conduct a social survey project for our first-year students of History Department. This will include a visit to the famous historical exhibition that your town conducts in June each year. It will be really grateful if you could provide us with some information prior to our visit. The students will have to produce a practical report based on their visit followed by a thesis. Hence, disclosure of the contents of the exhibition will be beneficial for them. Also, the opening and closing hours shall help us scheduling our trip in a better way. I believe the rate per student stands similar as last year, however, in case any discount can be availed kindly inform. Requesting you to provide us with some food and parking options as well considering few professors will also visit with their own transport. In case, you have any requirement from our end, kindly inform. We shall be able to disclose the precise number of visitiors after receiving the above mentioned information. Sincerely, Ramyani DasPresident Student Committee
Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter on behalf of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
Committee, Lesley Community College, Central London. We are considering to conduct a social survey project for our
first
-year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of History Department. This will include a visit to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
historical exhibition that your town conducts in June each year. It will be
really
grateful if you could provide us with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information prior to our visit.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
produce a practical report based on their visit followed by a thesis.
Hence
, disclosure of the contents of the exhibition will be beneficial for them.
Also
, the opening and closing hours shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
The verb 'closing' is used with an infinitive: "to schedule" or "schedule".
scheduling
our trip in a better way. I believe the rate per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
stands similar as last year,
however
, in case any discount can
be availed
kindly inform. Requesting you to provide us with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
food and parking options
as well
considering few professors will
also
visit with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
transport.

In case, you have any requirement from our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, kindly inform. We shall be able to disclose the precise number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
visitiors
after receiving the above mentioned information.

Sincerely
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ramyani
Possible spelling mistake found.
DasPresident
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
Committee
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IELTS letter Many people nowadays tend to marry and have children in their thirties rather than at a younger age. Is this a positive or negative development?

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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