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Letter to Admin Manager describing the nuisance faced while studying in hostel room

Letter to Admin Manager describing the nuisance faced while studying in hostel room WJqe
Dear Sir, This is to enlighten you with the difficulties I am facing while accommodating myself with my roommate Mr. Adam. The situation of the room is the area of concern as i do my studies. It has become tough for me to concentrate on my academic assignments as my flat mate is continuously engaged in alcoholic parties, loud music, unhygienic sanitary conditions which leads to total loss of focus on my educational trainings. Mr. Adam gathers his friend in the room and all of them clatter things around for a prolonged period of time which troubles me while doing my work duties. This type of unhealthy atmosphere is affecting my mental health encouraging the drop of zeal in my determination to do my studies. Its my humble request to you in order to provide me a separate place or shift me along with some other roommates. Yours Faithfully, Sumit
Dear Sir,

This is to enlighten you with the difficulties I am facing while accommodating myself with my roommate Mr. Adam. The situation of the room is the area of concern as
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
do my studies. It has become tough for me to concentrate on my academic assignments as my flat mate is
continuously
engaged in alcoholic parties, loud music, unhygienic sanitary conditions which leads to total loss of focus on my educational trainings. Mr. Adam gathers his friend in the room and all of them clatter things around for a prolonged period of time which troubles me while doing my work duties.

This type of unhealthy atmosphere is affecting my mental health encouraging the drop of zeal in my determination to do my studies.
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
my humble request to you in order to provide me a separate place or shift me along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other roommates.

Yours
Faithfully
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sumit
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IELTS letter Letter to Admin Manager describing the nuisance faced while studying in hostel room

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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