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Letter to a store manager about an accident i had in his store

Letter to a store manager about an accident i had in his store 1gnM
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to inform you about the rather unfortunate and tragic accident that occurred in your store about two days ago which I was involved in. I am popularly known as Mummy Jay and I am a regular customer who lives approximately two kilometers away from the shop. That fateful morning, on 15th of January, 2021, I came to the store to shop for some provisions as I usually do every other day. It was still very early as such the cleaners were cleaning the floor with a mop. Although there was a caution sign displayed to warn customers that some parts of the floor was wet, it wasn’t very visible, hence I slipped and fell hard. I was immediately carried to the hospital as I could not stand up after the fall. After arriving at the hospital and carrying out a lot of tests and xrays, it was discovered that I had multiple fractures around my knee and they would need to be operated. I am requesting that fifty percent of the cost of the operation should be borne by your store since the incident took place there and there was not a clearly legible sign warning customers about the imminent danger. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convienience. Yours faithfully Joy Ichetaonye
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to inform you about the
rather
unfortunate and tragic accident that occurred in your store about two days ago which I
was involved
in. I am
popularly
known as
In some contexts, this is childish language. Consider alternatives.
Mummy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Jay and
I am a regular customer who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
approximately two kilometers away from the shop.

That fateful morning, on 15th of
When specifying a month and year, the comma is unnecessary: "January 2021".
January, 2021
, I came to the store to shop for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
provisions as I
usually
do every other day. It was
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early as such the cleaners were cleaning the floor with a mop. Although there was a caution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
displayed to warn customers that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the floor was wet, it wasn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
visible,
hence
I slipped and fell
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. I was immediately carried to the hospital as I could not stand up after the fall. After arriving at the hospital and carrying out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
xrays
, it
was discovered
that I had multiple fractures around my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knee and
they would need to
be operated
.

I am requesting that fifty percent of the cost of the operation should
be borne
by your store since the incident took place there and there was not a
clearly
legible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
warning customers about the imminent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest
Possible spelling mistake found.
convienience
.

Yours
faithfully


Joy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ichetaonye

IELTS letter Letter to a store manager about an accident i had in his store

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
222 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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