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LETTER OF MOTIVATION FOR AMNAGEMNT AND TECH

LETTER OF MOTIVATION FOR AMNAGEMNT AND TECH 06GA9
We wake up in the morning and we decide what to wear or what to eat. Most of us think we make choices because of who we are. Actually, we are our own choices. To my mind, we become who we are by making choices since we were born just because we are the creative force of our life. As a person who has been dreaming all the time, I have always thought a lot about my choices. Even if I know the standards of my country, my financial situation and how much my social place has a say in my choices, I can prepare myself for the future by pushing my limits as much as possible. In fact, the most important factor that determined my choices was my extracurricular activities and the people I met there. I worked as a promoter, a participant, and a spectator in numerous organizations such as MUN and TEDx Talks. Thanks to dozens of different CEOs, engineers, lawyers, etc. I came up with more clear ideas. Especially, women coming from the country where sexism is the most common in the world and climbing the success ladder supported me to reach my ideals. One day, inspiring a young person like them became the main goal for me. Due to born in a technology age, I have always been involved with technology while growing up. With many engineerings, managers in the family, I have a chance to examine a lot of jobs. Because I am concerned people can not be ambitious and successful in the topics which they really do not interested in, I believe that management and technology is the best area to be studied with enthusiasm for me. I know I will be happy where I can move forward without losing my sense of curiosity. It is clear that I do not want to see myself in the future as a person who consists only of rational knowledge. As Einstein believed, it is useless to pile up information, we ought to process that information, and we must give our brains time to breathe while processing that knowledge. I took part in many extracurricular activities to release energy in my body and to rest my brain. When I was in elementary school, with the encouragement of an English teacher, I started playing guitar. We had a tiny school band and used to give concerts in our district. The house I lived in when I was in primary school was near to a football court. I used to always watch the matches played there. Over time, I started playing football with my friends. When I came to high school, I was founded the first women's soccer team in my high school and became the third in the district. However, unfortunately, I had to take a break due to the pandemic restrictions in my country. Thanks to my foreign friends, I found that studying with different education systems in different countries is more beneficial in terms of self-development and gaining new knowledge. That's why I went to the USA 4 years ago and visited universities in many states for a month. It has been extremely useful for me to understand what I expect from a university and its place in my career. I realized that the education system in my own country was very different from my own expectations. Being successful both socially and academically was immensely difficult in my country's educational conditions. When I was in secondary school, when I went to Kosovo and Macedonia, I came across Turkish students from my country who went to study there. I was impressed by the fact that their foreign language skills were so advanced, they were also people who really learned to live independently and were able to stand on their own feet. Moreover, I was familiar with English from a supremely young age through my parents’ ability to speak English. I have 6. 5 points from the IELTS. Because of the fact that my mother was born in Hannover and several family members still live in Germany, I could improve my German. However, unfortunately, I could not have any German proficieny due to corona virus in Turkey. As a result of these activities, observations, and trips, I decided that studying abroad gives self-confidence and courage. In particular, the Germany has produced the world's greatest leaders, and scientists. I firmly believe that Germany will open a great number of doors for me to reach my dream career and to improve my skills which is related to my aims. As someone who grew up in conditions where it is very difficult to think independently, I would like to see the opportunities this Germany will offer me. At the point when I saw that TUM was a school that energized original thinking, I realized this was the thing I was searching for. Thinking freely in my nation is getting more and more difficult because of the conditions, young people are losing their inspiration. I would prefer not to be someone who lost innovative soul in the future and lived simply to live. If I can change the life of just one person in the future, I cannot let the light in my eyes go out. It is irrefutably obvious that it will be hard for me to accomplish these alone, so I should be as a team with individuals with dynamic spirits like me. I have seen a lot of research that Munih Technical University has accomplished with teamwork and is still working on it. I might likewise want to encounter the joy of studying in a school where I can get a circle that will keep me from losing my energy and push me to improve. Furthermore, when I saw that the number of students continuing to higher education or placed in a job after undergraduate education was quite high, I learned that I could study in this school feeling safe about my future. Due to the increasing number of unemployed graduates in my country, it is nearly 4 million for 2020, my friends who study in Turkey cannot focus enough on their lessons or enjoy being a university student due to the concern of finding a job after university. I firmly believe that Munih Technical University and of course the Germany will keep me away from this stress and allow me to focus only on my education. Sude Fidan
We wake up in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
morning and
we decide what to wear or what to eat. Most of us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
we are. Actually, we are our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
. To my mind, we become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
we are by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
since we
were born
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are the creative force of our life. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has been dreaming all the time, I have always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
a lot about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
. Even if I know the standards of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, my financial situation and how much my social place has a say in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, I can prepare myself for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
by pushing my limits as much as possible.

In fact, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor that determined my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
was my extracurricular activities and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
I met there. I worked as a promoter, a participant, and a spectator in numerous organizations such as MUN and TEDx Talks. Thanks to dozens of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
CEOs, engineers, lawyers, etc. I came up with more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
Especially
, women coming from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where sexism is the most common in the world and climbing the success ladder supported me to reach my ideals. One day, inspiring a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
like them became the main goal for me.

Due to born in a technology age, I have always
been involved
with technology while growing up. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
engineerings
, managers in the family, I have a chance to examine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
jobs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
I
am concerned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not be ambitious and successful in the topics which they
really
do not interested in, I believe that management and technology is the best area to
be studied
with enthusiasm for me. I know I will be happy where I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward without losing my sense of curiosity.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that I do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
myself in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
consists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
of rational knowledge. As Einstein believed, it is useless to pile up information, we ought to process that information, and we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give our brains time to breathe while processing that knowledge. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
extracurricular activities to release energy in my body and to rest my brain. When I was in elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, with the encouragement of an English teacher, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
playing guitar. We had a tiny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
band and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to give concerts in our district. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in when I was in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
was near to a football court. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the matches played there. Over time, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
playing football with my friends. When I came to high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I
was founded
the
first
women's soccer team in my high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and became the third in the district.
However
, unfortunately, I had to take a break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the pandemic restrictions in my country.

Thanks to my foreign friends, I found that studying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
systems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is more beneficial in terms of self-development and gaining new knowledge. That's why I went to the USA 4 years ago and visited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
states for a month. It has been
extremely
useful for me to understand what I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and its place in my career. I realized that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
expectations. Being successful both
socially
and
academically
was
immensely
difficult in my country's educational conditions. When I was in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, when I went to Kosovo and Macedonia, I came across Turkish students from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
went to study there. I
was impressed
by the fact that their foreign language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
advanced, they were
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
really
learned to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
and were able to stand on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feet.
Moreover
, I was familiar with English from a
supremely
young age through my parents’ ability to speak English. I have 6. 5 points from the IELTS.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
Because of the fact that
my mother
was born
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hannover
and several family members
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Germany, I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my German.
However
, unfortunately, I could not have any German
Possible spelling mistake found.
proficieny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
in Turkey.
As a result
of these activities, observations, and trips, I decided that studying abroad gives self-confidence and courage.

In particular
, the Germany has produced the world's greatest leaders, and scientists. I
firmly
believe that Germany will open a great number of doors for me to reach my dream career and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
is related
to my aims. As someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
grew up in conditions where it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
independently
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the opportunities this Germany will offer me. At the point when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
that TUM was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
that energized original thinking, I realized this was the thing I was searching for. Thinking
freely
in my nation is getting more and more difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the conditions, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are losing their inspiration. I would prefer not to be someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lost innovative soul in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
simply
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. If I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the life of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, I cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the light in my eyes go out. It is
irrefutably
obvious that it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for me to accomplish these alone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I should be as a team with individuals with dynamic spirits like me. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
research that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Munih
Technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
has accomplished with teamwork and is
still
working on it. I might
likewise
want to encounter the joy of studying in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
where I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a circle that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
me from losing my energy and push me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
Furthermore
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
that the number of students continuing to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or placed in a job after undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was quite high, I learned that I could study in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
feeling safe about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to the increasing number of unemployed graduates in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, it is
nearly
4 million for 2020, my friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
study in Turkey cannot focus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
on their lessons or enjoy being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the concern of finding a job after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. I
firmly
believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Munih
Technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
and
of course
the Germany will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
me away from this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on my education.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Sude
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fidan
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IELTS letter LETTER OF MOTIVATION FOR AMNAGEMNT AND TECH

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
1070 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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