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letter of application in a store as shop assistant

letter of application in a store as shop assistant oky1K
Dear Emma Murphy, I am writing this letter after reading about the advertisement in local newspaper. I want to apply for the vacant position of shop assistant in the music department. My name is Jacopo, I am 34 and currently living in Rome. I have a Bachelor's degree in Physical Education and I speak English fluently with a B2 certification. Ever since I was child I have been passionated about music in fact I am a self-taught guitarist. I spend my spare time on listening to all genre of music and practicing with several instruments such as bass and drums. Although I have never worked as shop assistant, I have a relevant experience on talking to large group of people because of my recent job as swimming teacher. If I were given this opportunity my expertise in music would improve the quality of your stores and also I have the possibility of developing my talking skills. I am available to work from July onwards. Lastly, might I ask what the salary would be? Also, I could you provide me with details regarding the working hours? Please, see my CV enclosed. Thank you for your time and I eagerly await for a response. Your Sincerely Jacopo
Dear Emma Murphy,

I am writing this letter after reading about the advertisement in local newspaper. I want to apply for the vacant position of shop assistant in the
music
department.

My name is
Jacopo
, I am 34 and
currently
living in Rome. I have a Bachelor's degree in Physical Education and I speak English
fluently
with a B2 certification.

Ever since I was child I have been
passionated
about
music
in fact I am a self-taught guitarist. I spend my spare time on listening to all genre of
music
and practicing with several instruments such as bass and drums. Although I have never worked as shop assistant, I have a relevant experience on talking to large group of
people
because
of my recent job as swimming teacher.

If I were
given
this opportunity my expertise in
music
would
improve
the quality of your stores and
also
I have the possibility of developing my talking
skills
.

I am available to work from July onwards.
Lastly
, might I ask what the salary would be?
Also
, I could you provide me with
details
regarding the working hours?

Please
,
see
my CV enclosed. Thank you for your time and I
eagerly
await for a response.

Your
Sincerely


Jacopo
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IELTS letter letter of application in a store as shop assistant

Letter
  American English
9 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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